FilmBender: sh*tfaced on movies

"Star Trek" and I are from the future

Have been wanting to go see the J.J. Abrams' Star Trek movie in theaters.  Used to watch the original series when I was a kid quite a bit.  I'm not a total "Trekkie" or anything, and I probably have seen some of the movies over the years (and never got into Generations).  So in order to prepare myself, I thought I'd rent one of the movies to get psyched up.  Did some searches to find out Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan is supposedly the best.  Phuck me with a phaser... that movie blows.  Twas bummed out on the franchise but decided to go see the new one anyway starring Eric Bana and Winona Ryder (who I dig) along with a bunch of noobs like Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Anton Yelchin, Zoe Saldana, Simon Pegg and John Cho.

Leonard Nimoy also plays a big part (and was cool) but J.J. is the star in this trek... just look at the pic above... it's awesome to look at.  And the action and fun and the references are all perfect.  It's got a great story that is a bit of a mindbender, and the way they handled Kirk's backstory and the foundation for his cocky attitude, genius.  This movie has the tongue and cheek and has gotten rid of all the schlock... loved it... see for yourself... watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Heathers" is a great argument for home schooling

 

Shannen Doherty was the original host of Scare Tactics from the late 90's if memory serves me right (and got booted because she was difficult), and that show had a couple of episodes that had big foot attacking a camper van and one with an alien crash landing that just totally rocked my world.  I highly recommend trying track those down some time.  And she's obviously notorious when it comes to paparazzi and 90210, but have you ever seen the movie Heathers?  Shannen is in it and that's where she likely honed her b*tch skills.

The movie also stars Winona Ryder and Christian Slater and is about high school cliques and how evil they can be... so what better way to f with someone's popularity that to kill them.  This dark comedy goes there and was pretty controversial when it was released in the late 80's.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

Intermission: around the web and better than popcorn

Ever feel like you can't start watchin' a TV series because you can't commit the time?... I know, tragic.  I can't wait for Curb Your Enthusiasm, Entourage and Weeds to start back up, and I'd love to start into a whole bunch more like Battlestar Gallactica, Lost, and, God forbid, 24.  Maybe some day, until then, I'll just watch movies until I b*rf and take a break on the weekend to surf the web and grow my nose hair:

• I know, not funny, maybe I should stop by Bullz-Eye and learn some tips from the pros in their Stand-Up Comics Hall of Fame. 

• Premium Hollywood has an article on the HBO movie featuring Kevin Bacon called Taking Chances... ironic that Kevin took a chance and lost with Bernard Madoff’s alleged Ponzi scheme.

• The Informers looks great... it stars Billy Bob Thornton, Kim Basinger, Mickey Rourke, Winona Ryder, Jon Foster, Amber Heard, and Rhys Ifans... here's the NSFW trailer from ScreenCrave.

• Now that you're warmed up, let's jump over to Mongo Nation to get a peek at Marisa Tomei's nipples from The Wrestler.

• And crescendo at GorillaMask.net.

• Winding down with a photo gallery of Alessandra Ambrosio, the hottest babe from Brazil, at AskMen.com.

• And since we're all fantasizing, might as well take a look at the Karma Sunset concept car from Fisker that's bound to take a little excitement away from the Tesla... The Bachelor Guy has the details.

"Bram Stoker's Dracula" is creepy and beasty

Let's get right into it.  Bram Stoker's Dracula is probably the best monster movie of all time.  Gary Oldman spans generations, has shadows that will mess with your head, and presents dramatic visual overhauls once again that you just can't believe.  The vampire is a crazy animal that bangs this smokin' red head second fiddle to Wynona Rider on a grave stone... and it kinda turns ya on, right?  C'mon... you can admit it.  Sick f*ck.

Anyway, I guess Keanu Reeves is in it too.  But check out the huge visuals of the craggy mountain tops and the ominous castle.  I hear the whole thing was done in a sound stage on the Sony lot in Culver City (maybe it was called Columbia Pictures back then, I don't know).  That's amazing too.  And I hate to sound swishy, but the use of color is high impact -- blood reds, black and stone grays and then placing one hot girl in a bright emerald green dress.  Works.  Coppola directed so you know it's tasteful and not some piece of crap.  And since it's a period piece as well and has good costumes, you could even talk your lady into watching it with you if you're lucky.  Hey, she might even warm up a bit when you know who does you know what... not sure if that's a good thing.

Oh yeah, and it's a good story too.  Basically the monster grows fangs and runs around and bites people in the neck and sucks their blood.

FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews, and you can also watch the trailer here as well... or your mattress is free!!!.

"A Scanner Darkly" is NOT a sci-fi... it's a disaster movie

Keanu Reeves, Winona Ryder, Woody Harrelson, and Robert Downey Jr. directed by hipster Richard Linklater (the genius behind Dazed and Confused and Waking Life) in a sci-fi, drug-induced film based upon Philip K. Dick's novel and leveraging state-of-the-art animation/live-action visual mash-up technology called rotoscoping that laboriously took years to pull off... sounds like the beginnings of a slam dunk combination, right?... especially one bound to be adored by FilmBender, eh?  NOT!  It's just the beginnings of a long sentence.

Respectfully speaking... what an f-ing disaster.  Literally.  Completely unwatchable and incomprehensible.  Again, you likely won't find me bashing any other films since my mission is to only review great movies, but I do need to post at least one crappy movie that gets my lowest rating, .08, in order for that rating to appear over in the right-hand column of my website under Categories.  At least A Scanner Darkly has some purpose.