FilmBender: sh*tfaced on movies

"Hoop Dreams" and the pathetic nightmares that glom onto them

Please tell me you've seen Hoop Dreams.  Maybe since I'm from Indiana, this stuff is just in my blood, but I actually don't even watch hoops in my real life, and I still think this movie is a f*ckin' slam dunk.  Crazy, though, to witness how obsessed these kids and their families are on ball.  It hurts to see ignorant people (due to their environment) be so little with their big dreams, and literally, with their parents, siblings, friends, coaches, and everyone they know living through their snowball's chance at success.  You know these types... wear team jerseys/sweatshirts/caps (every day) they paid too much for... lives center around watching "the game" (and possibly betting on all of them)... endlessly studying the players and the stats... sometimes considers him/herself an athlete from years gone by... and definitely has some sports paraphernalia framed and hanging on a wall in their home or office.  The ignoramus could possibly be you.  If so, I apologize.

Here, the movie is filled with them.  The knuckleheads glom onto two boys, Arthur Agee and William Gates, and give them advice while the kids get recruited from inner-city public schools to potentially play at the Catholic high school that gave birth to Isiah Thomas.  Well, you get to live the roller coaster ride through high school and the white knuckle decent into the college application/recruiting process and the incredible outcome.  I'd tell you what that is, but you possibly aren't in a fantasy sports league or don't have a foam finger sitting on your bookshelf.  For you few, I'll just say you should watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Visioneers" are blind as bats

Zach Galifianakis, beeper-toting eccentric from The Hangover, stars as a well-paid cog in the largest, most profitable and "happiest" company in the world, Jeffers Corporation, in a directorial debut called, Visioneers.  This Orwellian film is Office Space meets Brazil and clearly, depressingly illustrates the trade-off (bureaucracy) for micromanaged, middle management to obtain a comfortable living in order to avoid the innovative, emotional and high-risk endeavors of a life outside the mega-corp.  Not only does this company manufacture widgets, but also, silly slogans and departments names and staffer titles and greetings including "have a Jeffers morning" and the ironic, official 'hi sign" Zach's graciously saluting to a co-worker in the pic (you'll need to see it to get it) -- all of which can't see and may not even be aware of a normal life and could not even imagine a hippie lifestyle outside the corp.

The only other face you'll recognize is that of Judy Greer.  As the robotic housewife seeking self-help, for exactly what, she is unaware.  Judy's hot in this one though.  I'm not sure if it's because she actually is or because she reminds me of the selling agent realtor that I met before buying my house.  She was smokin' hot but introduced herself with hands behind her back stating she avoided handshakes because she suffered from sweaty palm syndrome.  Maybe if she were fugly I would have been yucked out by that, but all I could think about is this hot blond giving me a sweaty, wet handj*b in the bathroom during an open house.  Anyway, watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"King of California" is rich with idiosyncrasy

There are so many peculiar little things stuffed into King of California -- the notion of a crazy man possibly being genius, the fantasy of finding buried treasure, the novelty of using a metal detector, the possibility of buying a clunker over eBay (and being under age), the odd visual of tract housing suburban sprawl eating your quiet rural home (and you can resist, and it just builds up around you), the harsh reality of working at McDonalds, that some people's parents are stoners who are in bands, that sulfur springs exist, and the list goes on and on and on.  Maybe none are exactly idiosyncratic (other than Michael Douglas's character), but it is rife with kitch or irony or cliché or something funky that I liked.

And Michael's performance as a kook is just priceless... he crazy kills it.  And Evan Rachel Wood is just adorable to a level that makes her pretty hot (to the extent that you can't hardly imagine that she needs to work at Mickey D's or has to drive a beater like that, I mean, there's gotta be a sugar daddy [or a post high school graduate pervert] willing to take care of a cute high school drop-out).  Anyway, watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Butcher Boy" hacks away at my memory

Eghads... running late on writing a post.  But totally thankful that my buddy came over the other day and nearly saw me fall down on my face from being so totally wasted from watching films.  I was completely at a creative block from not being inspired to write a post about anything that I've gorged upon.  And then, out of nowhere, he surfaced a movie that I had seen long ago and had been so utterly amazed by it that I must have gone for months telling people about it.  How I could have done that and then had if entirely fall from my memory banks, I just don't know.  I'm doomed.  So... I will give him a shout out... Burning Pictures.

If you couldn't tell from the pic, the film is called The Butcher Boy.  Holy f-ing sh*t.  The film is fantastical and imaginative and blunt.  And this kid is so intense that you'll be completely scared of him -- an Irish bully on the edge with a fat head and freckles.  Even worse, he's got a f*cked up home, and he starts to even loose his mind a bit as it appears... and what he is capable, well, I won't tell you if he does anything or not, but those hanging pigs have it lucky.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Rachel Getting Married" and Hathaway getting shafted

Anne Hathaway was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Actress in the movie, Rachel Getting Married.  Not sure if you've seen this one... I kind of thought it was a chick flick, so I shied away from it.  But it is a great dysfunctional-family drama that's got just a little bit of humor, so you don't just kill yourself while viewing.  Anne mastered her role as a drama queen who's all about me, me, me after getting released from rehab in time to attend her sister's wedding.  F*ck.  She nails it.  And her character is totally sympathetic because you find out that she has real reason to be just that f-ed up.

So how Meryl Streep was able to take the Oscar for her suitable performance in a waaay less complex role in the short-and-decent snoozer, Doubt, is beyond me (just one more reason for Anne's character to be totally f*cked in the head and drive off the road).  Anyway, all the supporting characters including the movie's namesake, Rosemarie DeWitt, are amazing as well.  Debra Winger is also in it but mostly a group of faceless others who make it feel like this could be any family and/or wedding in the neighborhood.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Crash" into the race

Matt Dillon plays a racist who rolls the dice to rescue Thandie Newton here in this scene of the movie Crash.  Not sure if he got cooties or anything.  Seems to have made it out OK.  Lots of prejudice in this movie among an ensemble cast that also includes Sandra Bullock, Don Cheadle, Brendan Fraiser, Ryan Phillippe, Tony Danza, and Jennifer Esposito.  It's a serious drama that will test your strength and your understanding of bigotry.

It's set in Los Angeles over a couple day period post September 11th.  It starts out with a multi-car pile-up and flashes back to tell you the story.  It's a solid film that won the Best Picture Oscar in 2006.  Paul Haggis directed (and wrote) the film, and the funny thing is, the guy came from writing sitcoms and hasn't really directed any other feature films at all (before or since).  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Spun" and games 'til somebody gets hurt

 

Spun is a film with a fun cast but a painful subject -- crystal meth.  I have seen plenty of drugs in my day and can watch many a movie on drugs and addiction of most any sort (even shopping).  But this one kind of made me sick to my stomach.  The direction gets a little dizzying and the intentional acne and the in-you-face, decent people turned low-lives living dirty whatever/wherever becomes a bit much.  And the constant bumps... they literally never stop for days and days.  The whole thing just kind of bumbs me out.

It's an indie comedy featuring the vogue again Mickey Rourke, the always deadpan Jason Schwartzman (who's got some naked chick with a 10 body, Chloe Hunter I believe, tied to his bed with her mouth and eyes covered with duct tape for days), the totally hot Brittany Murphy, a yucky teeth version of Mena Suvari, a dike-y Deborah Harry, and a Red Hot Chili Pepper "socks on c*cks" John Leguizamo.  Tweak out and watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Burn After Reading" and hachet after shooting

 

I swear to God I'm NOT in love with the Coen brothers.  But even after many people told me that Burn After Reading was not very good, and so I put off watching it for months, and then I watched it last night... I f*cking thought it was great (ok, maybe I am in [heart] with Joel and Ethan).  I think all of their movies are good or incredible.  With this one, maybe I now think it could have something to do with expectation setting, but really, there are many appealing things about it.  While this film is more of a dark comedy instead of a dark drama, it's a lot like Fargo in that it features "locals" who are about as sharp as a bowing ball and keep getting themselves deeper and deeper into trouble because of it.

Another totally cool thing about this movie is a "goofy" Brad Pitt.  I mean, how many times do we need to see "stud" Pitt.  Here, he is probably the roundest of all the goof [bowling] balls of all and is also traveling down the alley for a surprising and explosive strike.  That's another thing that's great about a Coen brothers movie... you just don't know what's going to happen next.  When George Clooney takes Frances McDormand down into his basement, I was scared sh*tless.  And when John Malcovich is on screen, who the f*ck knows what could happen.  Just watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Ice Storm" is one way to warm up a party

 

I don't think there's been a single cocktail party for couples that I've been to in the past few years with my wife where someone hasn't made reference to a "key party."  Of course, knowing my luck, it's not actually happened as of yet.  Maybe these actually do happen at our friends' parties when we aren't invited or aren't able to attend.  I'm not sure.  But it certainly is on people's minds, and if you don't know what I'm talking about, then you haven't seen The Ice Storm.  Basically, husbands drop their keys into a bowl at the front door when they arrive at the party with their wives, and in raffle fashion, wives pick random keys out of the bowl at the end of the party, of which, determines which husband they go home with and bump fuzz.

Great concept which has become a meme from this movie, no doubt.  I suppose it happens somewhere now-a-days, but from the looks of it in this movie which is set in 1973 suburban Connecticut, the swinging concept used to be a bit more prevalent.  Regardless, the movie is incredible.  It's a drama  with some suble humor about family dysfunction (go figure) that will keep you frozen to the screen.  Christina Ricci (she's one of those understated, totally hot chicks that no one really notices because she wears baggy clothes, but when she's got something tight on, you can't stop staring at her big, round, er, eyes) stars in it along with Joan Allen, Sigourney Weaver, Kevin Kline, Elijah Wood, Katie Holmes, and Tobey Maguire.  Anyway, watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Superbad" *ss

You'll hear plenty of classic bad words delivered with incredible skill along with some super bad words that are creative and hilarious ones you'd never dream up like "baby toes" (for "nipples") in Superbad.  In fact, there are so many funny little things in this movie, and I just see co-writer Seth Rogan behind every word and delivery like that funny friend who's always coining something f-ed up that becomes lingo at the whole school and is always crackin' everyone up.  I'd really like to party with that dude.

For Seth, and practically everyone else involved in the film from the cast to the director, this is a feature debut (although it is Seth and Judd Apatow's follow-up production to their also-classic 40-Year-Old Virgin).  Regardless, this hero leaps tall buildings in a single bound.  It is super hilarious.  I suppose Jonah Hill can get a little annoying with his incessant yelling, but he along with Michael Cera and Christopher Mintz-Plasse and hotties Martha MacIsaac and Emma Stone were great.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Badlands" is a trailblazer

 

Based loosely on the 1958 killing spree of Charles Starkweather and Caril-Ann Fugate, Badlands is a bad *ss movie released in 1973 that was waaaay ahead of its time.  Hard to believe that it is writer-director Terrence Malick's debut and even harder to comprehend is that he's followed it with only three other films (and only one other recognized masterpiece, The Thin Red Line).  This is the story of senseless killing without judgment -- just the opportunity to hang out and rationalize with the characters in a desolate wasteland and a get-to-know that could be as forward thinking on film as Truman Capote's novel, In Cold Blood, was when it hit bookshelves and shocked the world with its portrayal of the killer in all candidness and with all respect.

Even making it feel more relevant is the fact that this movie echos two stories by Quentin Tarrantino, Natural Born Killers and True Romance.  The former is a more literal similarity but the latter tribute is more because of the also-obvious, couple-on-the-run set up, but more so because of the unique xylophone score that is shared by both films, as well as, the poignant narration by each of the film's female leads.  Listen for the music as you watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Chopper" is the Harley-Davidson of Aussy criminals

Mark Read is loud, big and showy with all his body paint.  He's Australia's most notorious criminal and somehow has taken his experiences and actually turned them into best-selling pulp novels... who says crime doesn't pay.  Well, there's a movie about this real guy titled from his nickname, Chopper.  The movie will knock your f*ckin' socks off.  It is a powerhouse of a film, and it's only partly due to the solid anti-hero story, the tight screenwriting and the low-fi directing; it's mainly due to the amazing performance by Eric Bana.

Sure... maybe you know him from Black Hawk Down, Troy, Hulk, or Munich, but take Eric's roles from every one of those films, and stuff 'em all into one character, put it on crack, electrocute it, and then just set that f*cker on fire, and that's about half of what it takes to describe what his character is like in this movie.  You won't believe it.  He will scare the living sh*t out of you.  Just watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"In Bruges" and in heaps of trouble

 

In Bruges starring Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson is a quirky buddy comedy crime thriller that's a bit of an odd duck when it comes to movies.  It's actually really good but kinda tough to classify... suppose you'd say it's like an art house, foreign (though not foreign language) version of Lethal Weapon with a little quirk added in -- though I'm not sure you'd see it and agree with me.  And when I say it's not foreign language, well, it's one of those Colin Farrell movies, and that f*ck talks so damn fast that it might as well be Latin if you ask me.

The two hit men are hiding out as tourists in the Flemish city enjoying the beautiful architecture and you'll be pleased to know there's a few hot babes in it as well (Clémence Poésy and Thekla Reuten).  Strange things and people popping up in the flick including a little person (with an unusually large forehead) that you can see here... watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Irréversible" is being *ss raped in a tunnel

Quite possibly the most tragic and harsh and dizzying movie you'll ever witness.   Irréversible stars the absolutely beautiful Italian model/actress, Monica Bellucci (The Matrix sequels among some other gems I will review in due time), who is so angelic that you would most definitely sacrifice your own life if you could prevent anyone from so much as pinching her to a level of discomfort that she opposed.  So when you see her getting rapped for what's the most exhausting and heinous and horrible scene (and geish, it must have lasted ten minutes straight in a single shot), you want to kick your f*cking plasma just to stop it and go find that f*cker and beat the living f*ckng sh*t out of his skull with a crow bar.  Phew.  Relax.

OK... so this amount of rage is where this movie starts out.  In the most confusing and surreal set up that you will ever experience in a film.  It's a single camera shot as well that floats through the air spinning and spinning through alleyways of a city and cycles down into a first-person stroll into the bowels of the most scary and bizarre club you've ever seen.  From there, the movie just goes off and into a rage that you finally figure out is happening in reverse sequence. 

Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Aristocrats" are totally f*cking offensive

 

Gilbert Gottfried, Don Rickles, Bob Sagat, Chris Rock, Whoppi Goldberg, George Carlin and Sarah Silverman are just a smidgen of the comics who are all in on the joke.  They take part in a little-known game that's been going on in improv comedic circles since Vaudeville, The Aristocrats.  There's really no boundaries to this free-form joke, of which, comedians dare to amuse each other, and it will literally shock you at how far ANY and ALL of them take it.  However, the basic premise of the joke's storyline must stay in tact -- a family visits a talent agent, perform the most gruesome, tasteless, disgusting, incestuous act ever.  Plus, the joke always ends the same way -- with the agent asking what the family act is called, "The Aristocrats."

So it sounds nonsensical and it totally, admittedly is.  The documentary itself is pretty good, but just witnessing some of the acts is completely worth watching it.  I'm no prude, but coming into this without knowing anything about it will completely f*ck you up.  I'm going to give you a glimpse of it all right here... just check out the absolutely, positively, totally NSFW, politically incorrect and universally offensive version of the joke by the kids from Southpark... I warned you... so at your own risk... watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Visitor" and leftovers go bad after three days

Not real sure what to say about The Visitor.  It really is a nice movie though.  The director, Thomas McCarthy, also directed another nice one called The Station Agent.  This one stars Richard Jenkins (you may recognize as being the dad in the goofball comedy, Step Brothers) who is nominated for an Academy Award for his role as a depressed widower who finds some hope and happiness from his three co-stars, all of which, you likely won't recognize either.

Basically, Richard lives in a home outside of NYC but has an apartment in the city that he rarely visits.  Well, he finds this African drummer dude and his smokin' hot girlfriend squatting in the flat.  They aren't bad people, just illegals who rented the place from some crooked friend of Richard's  Anyway, everyone learns a bit from each other and the drummer, in a chance happening, winds up in a deportation center and Richard takes it upon himself to try to help.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...