FilmBender: sh*tfaced on movies

"The Dark Knight" is hard to see

I'm not a comic book geek.  Not a good/bad thing... just a qualifier.  It's also probably the reason why I was the last person I know to go see the movie, The Dark Knight.  Ultimately, that tainted the film for me -- hearing the hype from everyone, everywhere and, often, hearing it first hand.  "It's amazing," they said.  The same thing nearly happened to me on Iron Man -- the impossibility of living up to the hype.  But that's not a reasonable excuse for the let down I felt because a great movie should be able to survive such an imposing villain as hype -- especially a super hero movie, Batman of course, that's directed by the superbly apt, Christopher Nolan of Memento fame.  As I've vocalized here on FilmBender, for example, The Matrix crushed the hype.  Maybe that's because the hero in that one didn't even know he was, er, one.

But we all know that wasn't the case here.  It had nothing to do with the hero.  It was because of the film's actual villain, the psychotic Joker, as we all know played by what appears to be the dead body of Heath Ledger.  And his cadaver did an incredible job -- even better than the nearly-dead Jack Nicholson's campy version that received almost as much hype for his performance when that installment was theatrically released.  I'm just not sure it was enough, or should have to be enough, to save the day.  I mean, sh*t, it is supposed to be Christian Bale's (Batman's) movie.

I might even add that it also went on a scene or two too long, and that's bad coming from a guy who can beer bong a trilogy.  I'm sorry to put such a downer on it, but you'll thank me for it.  Oh, yeah, and there isn't any nudity in it either.  Because if you haven't seen it, you'll appreciate that I've unhyped it.  And since I don't know a ton about the original story, I'm not sure if the ending is faithful, abrupt, good, bad, a cop out, genius or just a sheer lack of creativity.  But check it out... you might like it.  And if Maggie Gyllenhaal, Anthony Michael Hall, Morgan Freeman, Aaron Eckhart, Michael Caine and Gary Oldman don't make for a strange group of stars to round out a movie, I don't know what is.

 

FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews.  OK... so I lied. You will love this movie. The Batcycle and all the gizmos and action sequences rock. And I love how The Joker re-counts the carving of his smile like a schizo. The best Batman movie by a Batmile  :p

"Bram Stoker's Dracula" is creepy and beasty

Let's get right into it.  Bram Stoker's Dracula is probably the best monster movie of all time.  Gary Oldman spans generations, has shadows that will mess with your head, and presents dramatic visual overhauls once again that you just can't believe.  The vampire is a crazy animal that bangs this smokin' red head second fiddle to Wynona Rider on a grave stone... and it kinda turns ya on, right?  C'mon... you can admit it.  Sick f*ck.

Anyway, I guess Keanu Reeves is in it too.  But check out the huge visuals of the craggy mountain tops and the ominous castle.  I hear the whole thing was done in a sound stage on the Sony lot in Culver City (maybe it was called Columbia Pictures back then, I don't know).  That's amazing too.  And I hate to sound swishy, but the use of color is high impact -- blood reds, black and stone grays and then placing one hot girl in a bright emerald green dress.  Works.  Coppola directed so you know it's tasteful and not some piece of crap.  And since it's a period piece as well and has good costumes, you could even talk your lady into watching it with you if you're lucky.  Hey, she might even warm up a bit when you know who does you know what... not sure if that's a good thing.

Oh yeah, and it's a good story too.  Basically the monster grows fangs and runs around and bites people in the neck and sucks their blood.

FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews, and you can also watch the trailer here as well... or your mattress is free!!!.

"True Romance" is a freaky one-night stand with a true cast of characters

Patricia Arquette is the hottest and sweetest snaggletooth trailer-trash wh*re you've ever seen in True Romance.  She loves a common Christian Slater who's among other incredible characters like Gary Oldman's frightening shotgun-totin' Rasta coke king that they rip off.  Christopher Walken is a Sicilian mob boss who is chilling to say the least, but stealing the dialog from him in this film is Dennis Hopper -- quite possibly delivering the Hungry Man frozen dinner of all final words in his double-wide.

Lots of other great stuff in here like James Gandolfini, Michael Rapaport, Val Kilmer's Elvis silhouettes and Brad Pitt with his Honey Bear bong.  And there's one of those climactic endings like they recently had in the end of the second season of Weeds where all the bad guys end up in one room all pointing guns at each other all at the same time.  That would s*ck.

From Quentin Tarrantino's fingers and Tony Scott's eyes, this movie is a crime thriller you'll surely fall in love with.  I'm gonna smash my face into a mirrored closet door for sayin' that... so flippin' stupid.  Totally hung over.  And this blogging sh*t ain't easy... couldn't get to it for a week... will try to stick to it.  Or at least stick my finger down my throat.