FilmBender: sh*tfaced on movies

"The Ice Storm" is one way to warm up a party

 

I don't think there's been a single cocktail party for couples that I've been to in the past few years with my wife where someone hasn't made reference to a "key party."  Of course, knowing my luck, it's not actually happened as of yet.  Maybe these actually do happen at our friends' parties when we aren't invited or aren't able to attend.  I'm not sure.  But it certainly is on people's minds, and if you don't know what I'm talking about, then you haven't seen The Ice Storm.  Basically, husbands drop their keys into a bowl at the front door when they arrive at the party with their wives, and in raffle fashion, wives pick random keys out of the bowl at the end of the party, of which, determines which husband they go home with and bump fuzz.

Great concept which has become a meme from this movie, no doubt.  I suppose it happens somewhere now-a-days, but from the looks of it in this movie which is set in 1973 suburban Connecticut, the swinging concept used to be a bit more prevalent.  Regardless, the movie is incredible.  It's a drama  with some suble humor about family dysfunction (go figure) that will keep you frozen to the screen.  Christina Ricci (she's one of those understated, totally hot chicks that no one really notices because she wears baggy clothes, but when she's got something tight on, you can't stop staring at her big, round, er, eyes) stars in it along with Joan Allen, Sigourney Weaver, Kevin Kline, Elijah Wood, Katie Holmes, and Tobey Maguire.  Anyway, watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Into the Wild" and over the river and out of your mind

 

Emile Hirsch plays the college kid who's fed up with the real world, so he goes off the grid to the real world in the film adaptation directed by Sean Penn, Into the Wild.  His journey is beautiful and tragic and true (based on Jon Krakauer's epic biographic novel on Christopher McCandless).  Emile bumps into so many great characters along the way like Kristen Stewart as a super-young-but-sexually-curious-and-sizzlin' hippie on a commune to Vince Vaughn who plays his funny and friendly and felonious boss at the grain mill to Hal Holbrook as the venerable sage (I used this term twice this week, and those who happen to be Betas will also find it familiar) to a list that's too long to fully detail but includes Catherine Keener, Marcia Gay Harden, William Hurt and Jena Malone.

The wilderness is packed with irony with its beauty and unforgiving ways (er, can anyone say flash flood) while freeing and trapping in isolation along with being an adventure and claustrophobic to the state of insanity.  The Alanis Morissett lyric that ends up being the dichotomy of death is that while the wilderness presents a safety blanket from the cold madness of what our lives have become in this modern world, if you happen to have the b*lls to actually venture way out there, even the simplest of issues (and there can be many issues) can bring about the most complex and dangerous of predicaments.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Badlands" is a trailblazer

 

Based loosely on the 1958 killing spree of Charles Starkweather and Caril-Ann Fugate, Badlands is a bad *ss movie released in 1973 that was waaaay ahead of its time.  Hard to believe that it is writer-director Terrence Malick's debut and even harder to comprehend is that he's followed it with only three other films (and only one other recognized masterpiece, The Thin Red Line).  This is the story of senseless killing without judgment -- just the opportunity to hang out and rationalize with the characters in a desolate wasteland and a get-to-know that could be as forward thinking on film as Truman Capote's novel, In Cold Blood, was when it hit bookshelves and shocked the world with its portrayal of the killer in all candidness and with all respect.

Even making it feel more relevant is the fact that this movie echos two stories by Quentin Tarrantino, Natural Born Killers and True Romance.  The former is a more literal similarity but the latter tribute is more because of the also-obvious, couple-on-the-run set up, but more so because of the unique xylophone score that is shared by both films, as well as, the poignant narration by each of the film's female leads.  Listen for the music as you watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Chopper" is the Harley-Davidson of Aussy criminals

Mark Read is loud, big and showy with all his body paint.  He's Australia's most notorious criminal and somehow has taken his experiences and actually turned them into best-selling pulp novels... who says crime doesn't pay.  Well, there's a movie about this real guy titled from his nickname, Chopper.  The movie will knock your f*ckin' socks off.  It is a powerhouse of a film, and it's only partly due to the solid anti-hero story, the tight screenwriting and the low-fi directing; it's mainly due to the amazing performance by Eric Bana.

Sure... maybe you know him from Black Hawk Down, Troy, Hulk, or Munich, but take Eric's roles from every one of those films, and stuff 'em all into one character, put it on crack, electrocute it, and then just set that f*cker on fire, and that's about half of what it takes to describe what his character is like in this movie.  You won't believe it.  He will scare the living sh*t out of you.  Just watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Visitor" and leftovers go bad after three days

Not real sure what to say about The Visitor.  It really is a nice movie though.  The director, Thomas McCarthy, also directed another nice one called The Station Agent.  This one stars Richard Jenkins (you may recognize as being the dad in the goofball comedy, Step Brothers) who is nominated for an Academy Award for his role as a depressed widower who finds some hope and happiness from his three co-stars, all of which, you likely won't recognize either.

Basically, Richard lives in a home outside of NYC but has an apartment in the city that he rarely visits.  Well, he finds this African drummer dude and his smokin' hot girlfriend squatting in the flat.  They aren't bad people, just illegals who rented the place from some crooked friend of Richard's  Anyway, everyone learns a bit from each other and the drummer, in a chance happening, winds up in a deportation center and Richard takes it upon himself to try to help.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Changeling" turn and face the strain, ch-ch-changes

I never thought I'd think those '20's ball hats look hot on chicks until I saw Changeling.  Suppose I shouldn't even be thinking about Angelina Jolie's chestnut hair with that hat framing those puffy, red-painted lips in this movie about missing and potentially chopped-up kids and false psycho ward incarceration; but she's hot.

Her acting and tears are convincing (though I could do without around 20 or so "that's not my son" statements), and the whole thing makes you wanna f*cking strangle those corrupt cops, doc and shrink when they're telling her that that's her kid, and they keep her locked up in that insane asylum.  Thank God for reverend John Malkovich.  Just watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Antwone Fisher" is the most tortured screenwriter ever

Wow!  What a surprise.  Nothing like expecting absolutely nothing from a film and loving it.  Especially when you go into it not really knowing anything about it and maybe even thinking it's going to be some melodramatic, formulaic studio pic with no true heart.  It usually seems to happen when you turn on the TV and some late night movie starts on one of the second tier movie cable channels, and the film is still in the opening title sequence, and you, for some strange reason, feel obligated to watch.  That's how I met Antwone Fisher.

Directed by and starring Denzel Washington (d*mn that dude is talented) along with a number of no-names like Derek Luke (who played Antwone and was great), Joy Bryant (who is the totally hot love interest), and the then-unknown-pre-Entourage-"E", Kevin Connolly (short and whatever).  The story is kind of a bummer... Antwone is hard as a rock and a silent troublemaker in the Navy who ends up on the couch of an assigned shrink played by Dr. Smooth, Denzel.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Reader" nails the SS guard out of respect

 

Ralph Fiennes daydreams to tell us a story from his high school and college years in the film called, The Reader.  It's a very special film from the director, Stephen Daldry, who's also behind the charming boy-ballet film, Billy Elliot.  But here, Ralph's young version (David Kross) is not making his mark with twinkle toes in tights, he's in the buff and winning over audiences and Kate Winslet's equally exposed self in every way and in every position while reading the masterworks of literature.

It's a story of lust, love and longing.  And it is yet another lesson that so neatly reminds us that happenings from a time in our lives long ago form who we are and stay with us like a garment that we never ever shed.  In looking back at his life, we are wondering if there's regret for his respectfully keeping a secret that, while saves his lover's pride, could cost him her life.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Remember the Titans"... yes we can!

 

In a day when you now have a black man in the White House, it's a good idea to take a peek back at how f*cked up things were not too long ago (who said movies aren't edumacational).  Crazy to think that back in the 70's there were high schools that were still not integrated -- especially in towns as close to Washington D.C. as Alexandria, Virginia.  But such was the case in the setting for the kick *ss sports drama based on true events, Remember the Titans.  Yeah... President Obama has a tough road ahead of him, but Denzel Washington helps us see that people can turn the corner with proper leadership know matter what color his skin happens to be or how many muscles he has in his leg.

Superbowl Sunday is upon us, and the Arizona Cardinals and the Pittsburgh Steelers are going to crash helmets in Tampa, but that's nothing compared to the face-off Denzel has to deal with when he replaces a respected white coach on a previously all-white team that gets peppered with black players by the federal mandate.  It is harsh.  But as Barack had it, there's hope here as well.  And there are winners too.  Ryan Gosling and Donald Faison are also in it as well as the hottie Kate Bosworth and a young Hayden Panettiere (best known as the cheerleader in the hit TV show, Heros, but who's now smokin' hot).  Anyway, watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Juno" got prego

The film started out, like, totally annoying.  Juno's star/break-out character and namesake, Ellen Page, talks kinda like Jon Heder in Napoleon Dynamite.  That character totally bugged to the extent that I, somehow, happen to be the only guy I know that wanted to barf after watching it.  And I'm supposed to love that kinda sh*t.  Maybe I'm sorta softening to his infamous character, but it's more because of the meme, and possibly, from Howard Stern's endearing and bumbling whack packer, Jamie "JD" Harmeyer.

Back to Ellen... same thing happened here... but it was much quicker.  I softened to her "like dude" slang before the second trimester.  And it's great that the nerds rule in this film and they have unknowns in the lead and hottie Jennifer Garner and has-been-'til-Arrested Development Jason Bateman in the secondary roles.  And though they look perfect, they're f*cked.  Love that.  Michael Cera (also Arrested Development plus Superbad) is Ellen's super geeky-cool co-conspirator in teenage impregnation, and the two wrestle with the notion of putting the zygote up for adoption and with their feelings for each other and their esthetically flawed existence through a charming, quirky little duet that is, well, just perfect... listen, watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Wrestler" will f-ing kill you

Who knows what Mickey Rourke did to his f*cking face.  I've been sayin' that for the last couple of years.  Well... whatever... it kinda lends to the credibility of his has-been character in The Wrestler -- the prize of the 80's who's abused his body with tanning, 'roids, ho's and who knows what else.  It works.  If there's one thing that is totally believable about this movie, it's Mickey.  Wow... my heart bled for him.  It ached from the first scene and just never stopped.  If he doesn't win the Oscar, I give up.

But Mickey never does.  And he's not just the one thing that makes this film amazing.  Really, it's everything about this film.  Darren Aronofsky (from Pi: Faith in Chaos and Requiem for a Dream) is behind the lens while Mickey is in the ring and in the dumps; and the texture, the music, the bleached blond/long hair, the barbed wire, the stables, the glass and all his fans adoring him -- it all comes together in a wonderfully torturous existence that's second only to that other character you've heard of, Jesus Christ.  And Darren is God.  The charm behind the deli counter and then the meltdown.  I loved it and barely survived.  Regardless, watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Bend It Like Beckham" and nipple it like Victoria

It's a little whack that Posh Spice rises like a f*cking smoking hot phoenix by marrying the soccer superstar, changing her name to Victoria Beckham and having a tendency to wear ultra-sheen tops and slip the nip.  But then again, how strange is it that her husband, obviously David Beckham, dominates "football," looks like a stud in a thousand different hair varieties and get's an awesome movie made about him as the backdrop with his name emblazoned in the title, Bend It Like Beckham.  Will someone please tell me they have body odor or toe fungus or something less desirable than my situation.

Anyway, the movie stars Parminder Nagra and Keira Knightley, who looks pretty d*mn good if you ask me (if you're a chick or a little swishy you'll like Jonathan Rhys Meyers).  And the director, Gurinder Chadha, is no slouch... she's the writer/director for the incredible Bhaji on the Beach and What's Cooking? films, plus, though I haven't seen it, Pride & Prejudice which is suppose to be quality.  Bend It brings that same good bones into a sports setting that she had to support each of the unique worlds of her prior-mentioned works.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Catch Me If You Can" overlook the A-list

 

There were great Jennifer Garner pics (lookin' totally hot) and even Amy Adams pics (lookin' her nerdy best), but given that it's a cat and mouse flick (and the fact that it echos the "mirror" composition pic from yesterday's movie), I just had to choose this interesting shot from Catch Me If You Can that features the two critters.  I know, I know... it's got Leonardo Di Caprio and Tom Hanks.  And yes, I know, it's Steven Spielberg directing.  And yes, I realize that Titanic and Forrest Gump and E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial are all individually solid films, but collectively, these films (and their stars) represent everything that is big, shiny, and formulaic that Hollywood has to offer.  I know, I know... yuck.  It's safe to assume that this film would also be bloated with this much star power and sheen.

But I was on the edge of my seat with this film.  It is still shiny, but it's simply so much fun that I couldn't help but want to go out and start bouncing checks to just see if I could get everything I want (including the babes) mostly for the sheer thrill of it all.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Once" or twice would probably be enough for the vocal gymnastics

 

Once is the title of a little Irish film with big heart and giant beat -- to the extent that the music earned Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová an Oscar.  The actors acted, wrote and performed the music.  It's a drama about this singer/songwriter guy being kind of a p*ssy about lost love when he has a chance meeting with this cute girl, also a musician, who helps him work through his pain through song.  Glen has been a part of this sort of fare before (dramatic, Irish, soul-folk-rock musicals) -- The Commitments which gave birth to the hit song, Mustang Sally.

Few things... first off... the movie is amazing.  I'm not sure if the first scene has anything to do with anything and think that should have just ended up as one of those scrolling credit accompaniments or a viral video or some sh*t like that.  Second, happens to be the second scene... I didn't know much of anything about this film.  This Cat Stevens-sounding street artist's playin' the acoustic and singin' along.  OK... cool.  Then, out of no where, comes his booming vocal powerhouse of a bridge (at least I think that's what this part of the song is called... whatever).  I was like... f*cking awesome.  Kinda blown away.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Doubt" you'll love this movie

Sometimes Amy Adams looks kinda hot, but I doubt you'll think so in a habit.  Philip Seymore Hoffman rocks, but I really doubt you'll think he's all that good in the movie Doubt.  And all the fuss, I believe, is really more around Meryl Streep, but I doubt that this is remotely among her best, and frankly, how hard is it for her to play a stiff b*tch (you'll have to excuse me sisters, but it's true).  The movie is OK, in fact, I kind of liked it, but I doubt the film and the performances are Oscar worthy.  Sorry.

If you'll allow me a short non sequitur, I would like to tell you about an office bet.  I was not supposed shave for 30 days.  Sure, I've had a soul patch in my day (but not for a long time), and I've even gone a full week without shaving (a number of times).  There's more... if I make it, then I have to shave down to a mustache for one day (figure I'd either look 70's porno or 80's homo).  I know you're wondering what this has to do with the film but watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Cooler" becomes the coolest

Maria Bello lets it all hang out.  She's been around a while, and in this film, The Cooler, Maria's been around the block.  Good for her, and then great for William H. Macy.  Here, the only thing he's good at (and he happens to be the greatest) is being bad luck.  Realize that that's much, much different than just being unlucky -- ya f*ck with everyone's mojo... what a drag.

But one man's curse is another man's fortune.  Alec Baldwin is the boss of a Las Vegas casino where William is his star "cooler" -- just movin' in and hangin' out and watchin' lady luck get the f*ck out of Dodge at any table that gets hot.  Well, that's until he crosses paths with the totally-out-of-his-league-and-it'd-never-even-cross-his-f-ing-mind-that-he-could-nail-her, Maria.  So when she unbelievably falls for him, his luck's changed to the point of being a golden boy and throwing the Shangri-La into the red.  Anyway, Paul Sorvino is in it as well, so you should watch the movie trailer and read on because...