FilmBender: sh*tfaced on movies

"Superbad" *ss

You'll hear plenty of classic bad words delivered with incredible skill along with some super bad words that are creative and hilarious ones you'd never dream up like "baby toes" (for "nipples") in Superbad.  In fact, there are so many funny little things in this movie, and I just see co-writer Seth Rogan behind every word and delivery like that funny friend who's always coining something f-ed up that becomes lingo at the whole school and is always crackin' everyone up.  I'd really like to party with that dude.

For Seth, and practically everyone else involved in the film from the cast to the director, this is a feature debut (although it is Seth and Judd Apatow's follow-up production to their also-classic 40-Year-Old Virgin).  Regardless, this hero leaps tall buildings in a single bound.  It is super hilarious.  I suppose Jonah Hill can get a little annoying with his incessant yelling, but he along with Michael Cera and Christopher Mintz-Plasse and hotties Martha MacIsaac and Emma Stone were great.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Talented Mr. Ripley" has surprising skills

 

Matt Damon is The Talented Mr. Ripley, and as he looks, is also a bookish outsider who's gotten a taste of the good life, and he's just not willing to stop without taking a bite, if not, eating the whole enchilada in this suspense thriller.  Jude Law and Gwyneth Paltrow are the ones who are livin' large (their normal lives of European heir and his hottie) and welcome Matt into their inner circle.  BTW... Gwyneth looks d*mn good in this one... and I thought I'd also note that, although maybe it was a body double, if you've seen her in that scene of Shallow Hal where she's (in her thin version obviously) bent over the kitchen counter.  OMFG!  You should rent that movie and take a mental snapshot.

Anyway, back to other fiendish thoughts... Matt sneaks himself into their lives and slowly reveals himself to be something that's not exactly as expected.  And if you see what a prick Jude is in this film, you end up rooting for the bad guy which becomes a lot of fun.  You'll see what I mean... watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Walk the Line" and act like a d*ck

Joaquin Phoenix may be acting like a total *ss crack nowadays, but in Walk the Line, he acted and sang like the man in black, of course, Johnny Cash.  Some actors can really amaze you in their ability to shape shift into a character like you'd never even particularly think they visually resemble, but Joaquin took on the look, the act, the drink, the walk, the black, the voice, and even the vocals!... I mean sh*t... I almost didn't notice the lip!

And Reese Witherspoon kills it as well here as June Carter Cash... she's got a voice as well and a twang and a look that makes you wanna watch her milk a cow or sumpin'.  So the music here will knock your socks off... you hardly can even tell that these aren't original recordings.  Throw in a solid director who pre-cursed with the crazy, doable Girls, Interrupted (with two of my favorite babes) and followed with the acclaimed, remake 3:10 to Yuma (though it didn't dazzle me), and you've got the bones to make a solid biopic, and with a yarn like Johnny's, this one will tell you a story like it is and have no regrets.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Kid Stays in the Picture" and the mogul stays at the Four Seasons

Back in the 50's, things were different... Hollywood producers and wannabes actually stayed at the garish Beverly Hills Hotel on Sunset Blvd (not the Four Seasons).  That's where Robert Evans parlayed his good looks, his charm and his good luck charm into being an actor and ultimately a studio head... it's all spelled out by Robert himself in the kick *ss documentary, The Kid Stays in the Picture.

At age 34, the stud was chief of production of Paramount Pictures which released legendary films like The Godfather and Chinatown.  Robert was the Golden Boy who snared hottie Ali MacGraw and practically anything a young man could f*cking want... that's until everything came crashing down in an avalanche of snow, and possibly, even more nefarious crimes and circumstance.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Changeling" turn and face the strain, ch-ch-changes

I never thought I'd think those '20's ball hats look hot on chicks until I saw Changeling.  Suppose I shouldn't even be thinking about Angelina Jolie's chestnut hair with that hat framing those puffy, red-painted lips in this movie about missing and potentially chopped-up kids and false psycho ward incarceration; but she's hot.

Her acting and tears are convincing (though I could do without around 20 or so "that's not my son" statements), and the whole thing makes you wanna f*cking strangle those corrupt cops, doc and shrink when they're telling her that that's her kid, and they keep her locked up in that insane asylum.  Thank God for reverend John Malkovich.  Just watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Transformers" and Megan Fox are well-oiled machines

I've been avoiding the Transformers movie like the plague because, come on, I think the toy concept is the stupidest f-ing thing to ever hit shelves, and I'm insulted that the world somehow disagrees with me and has made Hasbro a gazillion dollars from them.  And the thought that director Michael Bay and whomever else would devote over a hundred million dollars to turn 'em into a movie (and then it makes a bazillion dollars) just pisses me off.

Then I met Megan Fox.  Her eyes are a Banff, Lake Louise, milky emerald blue, so the thought of a two hour and twenty minute movie with her seemed blissful.  And, wow!  They've given her an oily sheen in every single scene and on every inch of her body from her calves to her belly to her cheeks, and I know it smells like stripper vanilla.  Ugh.  Enough of her before I get reported by the authorities.  But almost nearly as amazing to look at was the Transformers' transformation sequences.  Each are happening in the midst of some other dramatic fly-in or other bit of unleashed inertia, and they last three times longer than even seem possible.  Incredible... watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Primal Fear" and it's two lead characters

Richard Gere plays the slick defense attorney and Ed Norton is introduced to the world as a sheepish murder suspect in a powerhouse debut that's still resonating more than ten years later.  Primal Fear is one of those films that will knock your socks off, and here, as I've eluded, it's got as much to do with the incredible acting as it does with the amazing story.  It will totally surprise you... in fact, I can say with a high degree of confidence that this one will shock you more than if Richard just dropped his pants and pulled a gerbil out of his *ss.

Other than that... it's also practically Laura Linney's first theatrical work as well.  She's easy on the eyes, and that's a good thing because, although I love her, Frances McDormand is in it too.  Alfre Woodard rounds out the colorful cast... she's always great.  Last but not least, the director hasn't done much of anything before or since (can you say, lighting in a bottle).  Anyway, watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Antwone Fisher" is the most tortured screenwriter ever

Wow!  What a surprise.  Nothing like expecting absolutely nothing from a film and loving it.  Especially when you go into it not really knowing anything about it and maybe even thinking it's going to be some melodramatic, formulaic studio pic with no true heart.  It usually seems to happen when you turn on the TV and some late night movie starts on one of the second tier movie cable channels, and the film is still in the opening title sequence, and you, for some strange reason, feel obligated to watch.  That's how I met Antwone Fisher.

Directed by and starring Denzel Washington (d*mn that dude is talented) along with a number of no-names like Derek Luke (who played Antwone and was great), Joy Bryant (who is the totally hot love interest), and the then-unknown-pre-Entourage-"E", Kevin Connolly (short and whatever).  The story is kind of a bummer... Antwone is hard as a rock and a silent troublemaker in the Navy who ends up on the couch of an assigned shrink played by Dr. Smooth, Denzel.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Old School" new tricks

 

I probably haven't laughed this much in a movie in quite a long time.  Old School is f-ing hilarious.  It's packed with loads of talent... it's kind of amazing:  Ellen Pompeo, Will Ferrell, Artie Lange, Luke Wilson, Jeremy Piven, Juliette Lewis, Craig Kilborn, Leah Remini, Andy Dick, Snoop Dogg, and last but not least, Vince Vaughn.  And I'm sure all of them signed on because of Will, which is certainly justified, and he totally delivers in this one (might be his funniest movie ever).

But I need to say that Vince, here as always, also shines and carries the film.  In fact, I think he has more of the laughs and doesn't have the benefit of the physical comedy that Will can fall back on.  Sure, Vince always plays the same f*cking character, but he's awesome as that dude (maybe it's really him) and can even turn crappy films into good ones using that same character (ie John Favreau's directorial debut, Made).  "Ear muffs" is the classic take-a-way one liner which is good, but that's just the icing on the cake.  Everything about his character is classic.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Alien" 4-play is better than sex

Sigourney Weaver and no-holds-barred, top-of-the-stack directors are common threads among the Alien film franchise.  Four films were made thus far (starting out in 1979 with the last in 1997), so I'm wondering who has the b*lls to try to continue this solid run... beyond Sigourney that is... she seems to have bigger cojones than anything in the universe and may well be a dude for all I know (btw, what the f*ck kind of name is that anyway).  And yes, I'm completely ignoring the whole Alien vs. Predator piece of sh*t knock off of Godzilla vs. "x" schlock.

Ridley Scott poked the first installment out out of the belly and right onto the screen with Oscar-winning technical grace.  James Cameron was behind the helm of the unsinkable ship and continuing the Academy Award-action-packed sequel, Aliens.  And for Alien 3, David Fincher makes a solid play but nothing compared to his three follow-up films: Seven, The Game, and Fight Club.  Finishing up just a little limp as well (and certainly compared to his other visionary works) with the fourth known dimension of the series, Alien Resurrection, is Jean-Pierre Jeunet (Amelie and City of Lost Children among others).  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Reader" nails the SS guard out of respect

 

Ralph Fiennes daydreams to tell us a story from his high school and college years in the film called, The Reader.  It's a very special film from the director, Stephen Daldry, who's also behind the charming boy-ballet film, Billy Elliot.  But here, Ralph's young version (David Kross) is not making his mark with twinkle toes in tights, he's in the buff and winning over audiences and Kate Winslet's equally exposed self in every way and in every position while reading the masterworks of literature.

It's a story of lust, love and longing.  And it is yet another lesson that so neatly reminds us that happenings from a time in our lives long ago form who we are and stay with us like a garment that we never ever shed.  In looking back at his life, we are wondering if there's regret for his respectfully keeping a secret that, while saves his lover's pride, could cost him her life.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Remember the Titans"... yes we can!

 

In a day when you now have a black man in the White House, it's a good idea to take a peek back at how f*cked up things were not too long ago (who said movies aren't edumacational).  Crazy to think that back in the 70's there were high schools that were still not integrated -- especially in towns as close to Washington D.C. as Alexandria, Virginia.  But such was the case in the setting for the kick *ss sports drama based on true events, Remember the Titans.  Yeah... President Obama has a tough road ahead of him, but Denzel Washington helps us see that people can turn the corner with proper leadership know matter what color his skin happens to be or how many muscles he has in his leg.

Superbowl Sunday is upon us, and the Arizona Cardinals and the Pittsburgh Steelers are going to crash helmets in Tampa, but that's nothing compared to the face-off Denzel has to deal with when he replaces a respected white coach on a previously all-white team that gets peppered with black players by the federal mandate.  It is harsh.  But as Barack had it, there's hope here as well.  And there are winners too.  Ryan Gosling and Donald Faison are also in it as well as the hottie Kate Bosworth and a young Hayden Panettiere (best known as the cheerleader in the hit TV show, Heros, but who's now smokin' hot).  Anyway, watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"O Brother, Where Art Thou?" and O Muse! Sing in me, and through me tell the story...

 

O Brother, Where Art Thou? is yet another near masterpiece from the Coen brothers (written and directed) that follows three 1930's escaped convicts -- George Clooney, John Turturro and Tim Blake Nelson -- on their quest to recover some stashed cash.  Quest is probably the wrong word because, as you may know, the film is loosely based upon (and also receives a writer's credit for) Homer's Odyssey. Joel and Ethan Cohen, in this film, reach back into their familiar bag of tricks and again successfully pull out quirky and original and John Goodman and Holly Hunter.  Of course George and John are also part of the alum, and the whole gang pull off a comedic crime film that's an absolute blast.

Plus, this time around, Joel and Ethan have a shiv up their sleeve and surprise us all with their trio of chained leads unbridled behind the mic as they manage to pick up a record deal on their journey as the bluegrass music sensations, The Soggy Bottom Boys.  Strange as that sounds, it makes beautiful music worthy of simply going out and buying the soundtrack alone, that's if, the movie as well wasn't so d*mn good (so buy it too).  Listen up and watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Juno" got prego

The film started out, like, totally annoying.  Juno's star/break-out character and namesake, Ellen Page, talks kinda like Jon Heder in Napoleon Dynamite.  That character totally bugged to the extent that I, somehow, happen to be the only guy I know that wanted to barf after watching it.  And I'm supposed to love that kinda sh*t.  Maybe I'm sorta softening to his infamous character, but it's more because of the meme, and possibly, from Howard Stern's endearing and bumbling whack packer, Jamie "JD" Harmeyer.

Back to Ellen... same thing happened here... but it was much quicker.  I softened to her "like dude" slang before the second trimester.  And it's great that the nerds rule in this film and they have unknowns in the lead and hottie Jennifer Garner and has-been-'til-Arrested Development Jason Bateman in the secondary roles.  And though they look perfect, they're f*cked.  Love that.  Michael Cera (also Arrested Development plus Superbad) is Ellen's super geeky-cool co-conspirator in teenage impregnation, and the two wrestle with the notion of putting the zygote up for adoption and with their feelings for each other and their esthetically flawed existence through a charming, quirky little duet that is, well, just perfect... listen, watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Wrestler" will f-ing kill you

Who knows what Mickey Rourke did to his f*cking face.  I've been sayin' that for the last couple of years.  Well... whatever... it kinda lends to the credibility of his has-been character in The Wrestler -- the prize of the 80's who's abused his body with tanning, 'roids, ho's and who knows what else.  It works.  If there's one thing that is totally believable about this movie, it's Mickey.  Wow... my heart bled for him.  It ached from the first scene and just never stopped.  If he doesn't win the Oscar, I give up.

But Mickey never does.  And he's not just the one thing that makes this film amazing.  Really, it's everything about this film.  Darren Aronofsky (from Pi: Faith in Chaos and Requiem for a Dream) is behind the lens while Mickey is in the ring and in the dumps; and the texture, the music, the bleached blond/long hair, the barbed wire, the stables, the glass and all his fans adoring him -- it all comes together in a wonderfully torturous existence that's second only to that other character you've heard of, Jesus Christ.  And Darren is God.  The charm behind the deli counter and then the meltdown.  I loved it and barely survived.  Regardless, watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Beavis and Butt-head Do America" bareback

Ok... so I've basically gone three days in a row with symmetrical composition movie stills.  Heh, heh.  Heh, heh.  But this one's different because it's got Washington's, er, Monument.  Heh, heh.  Beavis and Butt-head Do America will officially turn you into a moron, and frankly, it's kind of relaxing, so I highly recommend it.

A true pioneer in the raw, "adult animation" genre, this movie (and the TV show it's an extension of) is groundbreaking in making st*pid humor genius (maybe that's a stretch).  The creator, Mike Judge (later, of Office Space fame), wrote, directed and voiced the two main characters and totally captures the 80's, Midwestern, prepubescent hesher mentality (or lack thereof).  It rocks, and the celebrity voices from the likes of David Letterman, Demi Moore and Bruce Willis are the cherry on top.  Heh, Heh... I said "cherry."  Anyway, watch the movie trailer and read on because...