FilmBender: sh*tfaced on movies

"Badlands" is a trailblazer

 

Based loosely on the 1958 killing spree of Charles Starkweather and Caril-Ann Fugate, Badlands is a bad *ss movie released in 1973 that was waaaay ahead of its time.  Hard to believe that it is writer-director Terrence Malick's debut and even harder to comprehend is that he's followed it with only three other films (and only one other recognized masterpiece, The Thin Red Line).  This is the story of senseless killing without judgment -- just the opportunity to hang out and rationalize with the characters in a desolate wasteland and a get-to-know that could be as forward thinking on film as Truman Capote's novel, In Cold Blood, was when it hit bookshelves and shocked the world with its portrayal of the killer in all candidness and with all respect.

Even making it feel more relevant is the fact that this movie echos two stories by Quentin Tarrantino, Natural Born Killers and True Romance.  The former is a more literal similarity but the latter tribute is more because of the also-obvious, couple-on-the-run set up, but more so because of the unique xylophone score that is shared by both films, as well as, the poignant narration by each of the film's female leads.  Listen for the music as you watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Chopper" is the Harley-Davidson of Aussy criminals

Mark Read is loud, big and showy with all his body paint.  He's Australia's most notorious criminal and somehow has taken his experiences and actually turned them into best-selling pulp novels... who says crime doesn't pay.  Well, there's a movie about this real guy titled from his nickname, Chopper.  The movie will knock your f*ckin' socks off.  It is a powerhouse of a film, and it's only partly due to the solid anti-hero story, the tight screenwriting and the low-fi directing; it's mainly due to the amazing performance by Eric Bana.

Sure... maybe you know him from Black Hawk Down, Troy, Hulk, or Munich, but take Eric's roles from every one of those films, and stuff 'em all into one character, put it on crack, electrocute it, and then just set that f*cker on fire, and that's about half of what it takes to describe what his character is like in this movie.  You won't believe it.  He will scare the living sh*t out of you.  Just watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"L.A. Story" captures the cliché, the superficial, the sunshine and Sarah

Steve Martin, God bless him, is a legend.  It can't be easy being this funny for so long and for so many people.  He's even got himself at the helm of the Pink Panther franchise.  What a talent.  Here, with L.A. Story, Steve was even the screen writer, and the film is clever and the acting is fun as well.  He manages to pack every single little quirk that's associated with the City of Angels right into this flick, and it would make for a fun drinking game to try and spot them all. 

Anyway, he's paired with Victoria Tennant who doesn't do much of anything for me, but it also has Sarah Jessica Parker who is the bubble-gum chewin', carefree Valley Girl who you'll fall in love with for sure.  When she takes his pants measurements, you'll see what I mean... you'll feel obligated to do whatever she says, where ever she wants, and it will happen so fast, you'll not have much time to consider your availability or much of anything else.  Wish I could have found that clip, but check out a weather one which is part of the fun as well... watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"In Bruges" and in heaps of trouble

 

In Bruges starring Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson is a quirky buddy comedy crime thriller that's a bit of an odd duck when it comes to movies.  It's actually really good but kinda tough to classify... suppose you'd say it's like an art house, foreign (though not foreign language) version of Lethal Weapon with a little quirk added in -- though I'm not sure you'd see it and agree with me.  And when I say it's not foreign language, well, it's one of those Colin Farrell movies, and that f*ck talks so damn fast that it might as well be Latin if you ask me.

The two hit men are hiding out as tourists in the Flemish city enjoying the beautiful architecture and you'll be pleased to know there's a few hot babes in it as well (Clémence Poésy and Thekla Reuten).  Strange things and people popping up in the flick including a little person (with an unusually large forehead) that you can see here... watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"From Dusk Till Dawn" and the walk of shame home

 

Salma Hayek scorches the screen in her stripper scene in the film From Dusk Till Dawn.  This role may represent the first time you've seen her here in the U.S. though the director, Robert Rodriguez, also cast her opposite Antonio Banderas in an earlier film of his made for the states, Desperado (which was a re-make of his notorious low budget thriller El Mariachi).

Other babes in the flick are Juliett Lewis and Kelly Preston, but besides Salma (who alone makes the film worth watching), the movie is really noteworthy because of the mix of writer (and co-star) Quentin Tarantino and the famed director (Robert).  You'll get outrageous in this one, and you'll get eye-popping visuals that bleed with the reds of a weathered seat cushion in a house of prostitution.  Quentin can't really act, but his presence is interesting.  George Clooney also co-stars and kills it as always.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Aristocrats" are totally f*cking offensive

 

Gilbert Gottfried, Don Rickles, Bob Sagat, Chris Rock, Whoppi Goldberg, George Carlin and Sarah Silverman are just a smidgen of the comics who are all in on the joke.  They take part in a little-known game that's been going on in improv comedic circles since Vaudeville, The Aristocrats.  There's really no boundaries to this free-form joke, of which, comedians dare to amuse each other, and it will literally shock you at how far ANY and ALL of them take it.  However, the basic premise of the joke's storyline must stay in tact -- a family visits a talent agent, perform the most gruesome, tasteless, disgusting, incestuous act ever.  Plus, the joke always ends the same way -- with the agent asking what the family act is called, "The Aristocrats."

So it sounds nonsensical and it totally, admittedly is.  The documentary itself is pretty good, but just witnessing some of the acts is completely worth watching it.  I'm no prude, but coming into this without knowing anything about it will completely f*ck you up.  I'm going to give you a glimpse of it all right here... just check out the absolutely, positively, totally NSFW, politically incorrect and universally offensive version of the joke by the kids from Southpark... I warned you... so at your own risk... watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Visitor" and leftovers go bad after three days

Not real sure what to say about The Visitor.  It really is a nice movie though.  The director, Thomas McCarthy, also directed another nice one called The Station Agent.  This one stars Richard Jenkins (you may recognize as being the dad in the goofball comedy, Step Brothers) who is nominated for an Academy Award for his role as a depressed widower who finds some hope and happiness from his three co-stars, all of which, you likely won't recognize either.

Basically, Richard lives in a home outside of NYC but has an apartment in the city that he rarely visits.  Well, he finds this African drummer dude and his smokin' hot girlfriend squatting in the flat.  They aren't bad people, just illegals who rented the place from some crooked friend of Richard's  Anyway, everyone learns a bit from each other and the drummer, in a chance happening, winds up in a deportation center and Richard takes it upon himself to try to help.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Animatrix" for those who take the blue pill AND the red pill

 

I've been blogging on movies I love for almost six months now.  That's nothing compared to some of the blog mavericks like Gawker.com, TheSuperficial.com, BoingBoing.net or even some of the newer, instant classics like HipsterRunnoff.com.  But I can tell you, it already seems like a long time, so silly as it sounds, I thought I'd pay homage to my first post... for one of my all-time favorite movies, The Matrix (not a particularly good post I might add), for which I simply can't get enough.  There obviously are also two sequels which paled in comparison, but when pitted against most of the other sci-fi fare that's regurgitated by the Hollywood machine, they are still rock solid.  However, many people seemed to have missed the animated series of shorts that are a great way to really fill up on your Matrix lore, The Animatrix.

These film shorts are amazing.  They'll remind you of Ghost in the Shell, Heavy Metal and Aeon Flux, but of course, feature Trinity, Neo and the familiar cast of machines and characters that fill the back-story to that special place we all know and love.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Step Brothers" are a couple of wicked, funny, d*ckhead, dorks

 

This captures who the Step Brothers are, and possibly who we'd all like to be if we didn't have a single responsibility in the world.  Yes, Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly are brought together Brady Bunch-style when parents Richard Jenkins and Mary Steenburgen have a chance meeting and fall in love being totally compatible -- all the way down to each having 40-year-old spoiled brat sons living at home.  Tons of hilarious situations and mean sh*t going on between the two "kids" who have an I-hate-you / bestest friends / I-f*cking-hate-you relationship.

One thing this movie is missing is heat... mother Mary is actually a MILF of sorts, but when Kathryn Hahn plays the I-hate-my-life-and-husband sister in-law and love interest to John C., there's really a lack of eye candy which is kind of a must in goofball comedies if you ask me.  However Kathryn's character is somewhat interesting, and what's even better is her snobby, yuppie, f*ckface husband, Adam Scott.  He's actually great in this... watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Into the Blue" and out of my mind

Is it silly to even try to do a review on Into the Blue?  Hey!... you!... stop looking at the picture.  Yeah... I know... Jessica Alba could probably talk me into eating my elbow or jumping into vat of maggots.  If so, all I'll do is think about that creamy bronze skin, that teensy belly pierce, that gently placed hand on her inner thigh, and that mismatched bikini, of which, I'll pretend was put on in a hurried-yet-quiet, humid, post-coital haze after I helped her master that wind-blown, just-f*cked hairstyle.  In fact, forget the sex, and speaking of hair, I'd settle for a brush and discover bliss by simply stroking her locks until it all fell out.  But since none of that sh*t will ever happen...

Jessica dives through the waters of the warm Caribbean with her friends Paul Walker, Scott Caan, and the also-incredibly-hot Ashley Scott in the crime thriller.  The camera man brings all of it to light with just the right angles and capturing all the brilliant colors and fun and excitement that our ugly asses won't ever seem to be able to re-create in our own lives.  Oh yeah, and these beautiful people also happen to be treasure hunters, arrgh!, who've stumbled upon a ship and an adjacent sunken airplane packed to the gills with blow.  Not that you'll pay much attention to that sort of booty in this film but just watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Bend It Like Beckham" and nipple it like Victoria

It's a little whack that Posh Spice rises like a f*cking smoking hot phoenix by marrying the soccer superstar, changing her name to Victoria Beckham and having a tendency to wear ultra-sheen tops and slip the nip.  But then again, how strange is it that her husband, obviously David Beckham, dominates "football," looks like a stud in a thousand different hair varieties and get's an awesome movie made about him as the backdrop with his name emblazoned in the title, Bend It Like Beckham.  Will someone please tell me they have body odor or toe fungus or something less desirable than my situation.

Anyway, the movie stars Parminder Nagra and Keira Knightley, who looks pretty d*mn good if you ask me (if you're a chick or a little swishy you'll like Jonathan Rhys Meyers).  And the director, Gurinder Chadha, is no slouch... she's the writer/director for the incredible Bhaji on the Beach and What's Cooking? films, plus, though I haven't seen it, Pride & Prejudice which is suppose to be quality.  Bend It brings that same good bones into a sports setting that she had to support each of the unique worlds of her prior-mentioned works.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Once" or twice would probably be enough for the vocal gymnastics

 

Once is the title of a little Irish film with big heart and giant beat -- to the extent that the music earned Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová an Oscar.  The actors acted, wrote and performed the music.  It's a drama about this singer/songwriter guy being kind of a p*ssy about lost love when he has a chance meeting with this cute girl, also a musician, who helps him work through his pain through song.  Glen has been a part of this sort of fare before (dramatic, Irish, soul-folk-rock musicals) -- The Commitments which gave birth to the hit song, Mustang Sally.

Few things... first off... the movie is amazing.  I'm not sure if the first scene has anything to do with anything and think that should have just ended up as one of those scrolling credit accompaniments or a viral video or some sh*t like that.  Second, happens to be the second scene... I didn't know much of anything about this film.  This Cat Stevens-sounding street artist's playin' the acoustic and singin' along.  OK... cool.  Then, out of no where, comes his booming vocal powerhouse of a bridge (at least I think that's what this part of the song is called... whatever).  I was like... f*cking awesome.  Kinda blown away.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Cooler" becomes the coolest

Maria Bello lets it all hang out.  She's been around a while, and in this film, The Cooler, Maria's been around the block.  Good for her, and then great for William H. Macy.  Here, the only thing he's good at (and he happens to be the greatest) is being bad luck.  Realize that that's much, much different than just being unlucky -- ya f*ck with everyone's mojo... what a drag.

But one man's curse is another man's fortune.  Alec Baldwin is the boss of a Las Vegas casino where William is his star "cooler" -- just movin' in and hangin' out and watchin' lady luck get the f*ck out of Dodge at any table that gets hot.  Well, that's until he crosses paths with the totally-out-of-his-league-and-it'd-never-even-cross-his-f-ing-mind-that-he-could-nail-her, Maria.  So when she unbelievably falls for him, his luck's changed to the point of being a golden boy and throwing the Shangri-La into the red.  Anyway, Paul Sorvino is in it as well, so you should watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Dogtown and Z-Boys" doc shreds Hollywood

Growing up in the Midwest and subscribing to Surfer Magazine and living for BMX races probably doesn't put me in the bucket of unbiased moviegoers when it comes to critiquing the documentary, Dogtown and Z-Boys.  It is directed by 70's skate legend, Stacy Peralta.  What's notable about this doc, first and foremost, is that it was actually kinda re-made as a sports drama three years later and directed by the cool chick, Catherine Hardwicke, who also did the amazing and disturbing Venice Beach drama, Thirteen.  I'll put that review on ice for another day, but the Hollywood version of the skate doc that she made is called Lords of Dogtown, and it starred big names like Johnny Knoxville, Rebecca De Mornay, and even Heath Ledger (who here as well, seems to morph himself into a completely different person somehow [maybe he was a shape shifter]).  That movie is pretty good, but the documentary is what speaks to me... maybe that's along the same rules as "the book is always better than the f*cking movie" for some reason.

Anyway, just watching these kids and the freedom that they experienced back then, of which, is far from what kids likely feel in big, oppressive cities nowadays.  But here, also in Venice, California, Stacy and his "local" group of surfers figured out that skateboards were only being used for cruising and slalom-style race competitions (p*ssies); yet due to a perfect non-storm, drought left swimming pools empty and a lack of waves left Stacy's clan searching for ways to re-create kick-turn wave maneuvers somewhere on land.  Ultimately, the excitement of trespassing over people's fences and dropping into those curvy-bottom pools charged their vision and quenched their thirst and changed the world.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Defiance" of any humor whatsoever

Kinda hard to write a blog post on a site that attempts to write funny commentary and/or reviews of movies and do so for Defiance -- a film about one thousand Jews who miraculously avoided concentration camps and death itself by hiding and running and hiding again in the forests... constantly avoiding air attacks, ground attacks, disease, starvation, inner-anarchy, in-climate weather and, er, pregnancy.

It's driven by these two guys, Liev Schreiber and Daniel Craig, brothers at war with each other, with the Germans and with the odds.  Total f*cking bad *ss and humble heroes.  It's a true story.  Done well every grueling step of the way.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Man on Wire" on crack

Am amazing image from the past.  Funny how this media event was completely lost over the years and then entirely wiped out and obviously over-shadowed on September 11th.  Man on Wire is the documentary of Philippe Petit's incredible obsession, lifestyle and accomplishment (and seemingly lack of employment).

The doc has plenty of great footage of Philippe first conquering the divide of the towers of Notre Dame and then the bridge of Sydney Harbor.  It also shows all of the planning and practicing that Philippe, his girlfriend and the rag tag crew he assembles (much like that of the Ocean's Eleven team [without any actual experience]) must do in order to simply get inside and rig the f-ing wire itself.  Their attitudes reflect that of what the 70's served up -- free love, over easy and often toasted.  Case in point... after he makes it, he's an instant rock star (groupie-in-a-hotel-with-a-video-camera romp and all).