I didn't know a thing about this film. Seeing the title and the billboards around town, for some reason, I thought this was my nemesis, a chick flick. But no... Forgetting Sarah Marshallis along the same vein as Knocked Up, in fact, it also stars Paul Rudd and was written by a bit-role player in that movie, Jason Segel, who was the lead in this one. And he's f*cking hilarious, and so is his screenplay.
But after the movie started, not only was I laughing around every 4 minutes, but also, I was surprised to see how hot Kristen Bell was (who plays the character named Sarah Marshall who's the star of a TV show in the film... make sense?). She reminded me of Howard Stern's newlywed, Beth Ostrosky -- hot, skinny blond. But then, in comes Mila Kunis (pictured). OMFG is she perfect, or what? Though it was funny, too bad we got stuck seeing full-frontal of Jason around ten times in the movie but none of my new BFF, Mila.
FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews. The plot-line is basically that Jason writes the music for Kristin's TV show, she breaks up with him, he meets Mila, and how in the f*ck does this poor, funny dork end up with two hot chicks. Oh yeah, it's a movie.
Before you gag on the subtitles, give this one a chance because the lead, Carice van Houten, is the hottest bombshell in WWII. This chick is tough, sexy and smart. The film's called Black Book, and no, Carice is not a call girl. She's a Dutch Jew who happens to basically be the sole survivor of two attacks by the krauts, and along the way, she whores herself out in order to become a spy. Dangerous babe.
This is a kick *ss movie with a very sophisticated story line, so you may need to focus a bit, if you can, and keep your mind off Carice and her canisters. It won Academy Awards, so I'm not just obsessed with her and guarantee you will agree this is awesome. Check out the trailer.
FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews. The director is Paul Verhoeven who was behind the gun in some of the greatest action and cult movies of all time -- RoboCop, Total Recall, Basic Instinct, Showgirls and Starship Troopers to name a few. But I should warn you, one of Paul's first films is The Fourth Man. You'll see why I like this twisted f*ck. Wonder if Lorena saw that one before she took the snips to poor ol' John Wayne Bobbitt.
This is a great movie. Could have been one of the best movies of the year... and it probably is. Michael Claytonis the title and the name of George Clooney's character. He's got a glass ceiling in his way of being a big shot corporate attorney because he's got a history of being the go-to guy for making things go away, so he's not quite squeaky clean.
Why am I hedging on stating this is definitely one of the best films? Smooth George. In the film he's under a HUGE amount of pressure, but he still looks like he's in GQ the whole time. I think it would have been a little better making him a little greasy and pasty... maybe even give him a giant, infected boil on that flawless, square chin or something like that. I mean, they picked Tilda Swinton as the chick he's battling with. Come on. She looks like an alien on a good day. She doesn't have a chance against the stud with the perfect stubble.
FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews. Sydney Pollack is in there as well. And if you watched the trailer, that's Tom Wilkinson who's always great. But hey... although talented, those are also a couple of crusty lookin' peeps. Maybe that's George's trick -- be sure to get casted alongside a bunch who've been clunked with the fugly stick. Awesome movie helps... written and directed by the guy (Tony Gilroy) who penned all the Bourne movies and The Devil's Advocate among others. Check it out.
And this movie doesn't feel like it's really much of anything. Really. I feel like a trader even saying it. But I didn't like it. I want to bang my head against the wall like Dobby for letting the words escape from my mouth, but sh*t, I just didn't get it. Synecdoche, New Yorkis a wildly large little film about a nebbish, hypochondriac playwright (Philip Seymour Hoffman) -- who is almost turned on by Samantha Morton's bodacious box office -- and his dissatisfied wife (Catherine Keener) who leaves him and becomes an accomplished painter.
But it's not really about any of that stuff... because it's a screenplay by Charlie Kaufman, we all have to figure out what in the sam h*ll is actually happening. As you may know, Charlie wrote some of my favorite movies including Adaptation, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind and Being John Malkovich. This one, like Adaptation, becomes a recursive story but doesn't quite all come together. Maybe because it's because this is the first time he's tried to direct, but I'm thinking that no one could save this monstrosity.
FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews. Jennifer Jason Leigh was a nice surprise in this one... slutty as always. Wish I had more to say. But I really want you to know that I tried hard to like this one... I laughed at all the right times and thought at all the others. What more could I do? Bums me out to be hatin' like this, but I guess this is really just a cry for help. Can someone help me understand this one or at least help me learn to spell it?
As a general rule, Reese Witherspoon is the marker of a "chick flick." Ugh! And with the sole exception being Legally Blonde, her's (and all chick flicks for that matter) are silly, bland, safe, unfunny, commoditized fluff that pretty much s*ck. So if you get roped into one, you better be d*mn sure the lead is smoking hot or your lady friend is willing to do some late night trading if you promise to watch it attentively.
However, I would like to carve one of Reese's films out of the chick flick mix entirely, her debut, Election. It's an incredible film from almost every angle including American Pie good ol' boy Chris Klein (playing the same character here and seemingly not playing much of anything else since then unless "with himself" counts). And Matthew Broderick is hilarious as always. But Reese, as Tracy Flick (of all names), is as far from chick-flick Reese as you could possibly get. She drives this little film right into the big leagues with her incredibly uptight and do-good portrayal of a student set on becoming the student council president at all costs.
FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews. Behind the lens is Alexander Payne who's also brought us a couple of other great films like About Schmidt and Sideways. I should probably give some credit to him here as well, but Reese is just so annoyingly amazing, smart and funny that she somehow managed turn me on and forgive her for nearly every single chick flick she's made since.
I do a movie review a day, Monday through Friday here at FilmBender. I watch about thirty movies in the week and internalize the bad ones and just let you know about the good ones (and I should likely have a f*cking therapist figure out why I like to get sh*tfaced on movies). I take a blogging break on the weekend for my carpel tunnel syndrome and tell you about some pleasures on the web, so...:
Stop by PremiumHollywood to check out their review on a movie made by the band The Flaming Lips called Christmas on Mars. Personally, I love the band... they are a trip. Haven't seen this movie, but I've seen a documentary on them that I'll review one of these days, but warning, the review on this motion picture isn't glowing.
Bullz-Eye is bar none one of the best places to check out all things that guys will dig, but since I've got a movie addiction, sometimes I gravitate away from t & a and stick with film (note to self: maybe talk to a psychiatrist about this as well)... haven't seen this movie yet, but if you know you who Madonna is and you know about Snatch, then you'll know about Guy Ritchie's latest movie, RocknRolla.
That's enough with the movies, my other past-time is surfing and snowboarding, and since it 'tis the season, let's stop by AskMen.com to find out about the Top 10 Luxury Ski Resorts... I've only been to two... eghads!... do I need to start binging on snowboarding as well?!
And if you want to be green (just to be good or just to impress the ladies), then here's a little learnin' from The Bachelor Guy.
And if that doesn't work, then swing by the "illusions" page on SpikedHumor to learn a little magic to impress the ladies (or to take control of their minds and actions).
Now... here's our target... go to HollywoodTuna and check out the topless pictures of Lucy Pinder and realize how much you appreciate ice cream. Two big scoops please.
Closing off the link dump with the site that mixes celebrity gossip with the hottest ladies... that's Celebslam with the perfect cocktail once again -- bikini shots of ex-Jerry Seinfeld babe, Shoshanna Lonstein... no way she'll drown with those.
Ok... so although there is a snobby art dealer in 2 Days in the Valley as well, the movie is actually jam-packed with everything you need to make a kick *ss Friday night movie -- Charlize Theron nude (and she is smoking hot in this movie), a cat fight between Charlize and Teri Hatcher, hit men, twists and turns and enough violence to make even Quentin Tarantino blush. Killer movie.
Not to focus on the babes here, but Charlize looks the best she ever has (even with her clothes on) all slinked up in her lingerie or absolutely decked out in her groovy white jump suit. And she's totally dangerous to boot -- a far cry from a United Nations messenger of peace.
The plays-sleazy-so-easy James Spader is her assassin boyfriend and with Danny Aiello, Keith Carradine, Eric Stoltz, and Jeff Daniels rounding out the cast, you'll thank me for tipping you off on this gem of a quirky, interwoven, crime thriller.
FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews. Check out the trailer, rent the movie, and God forbid, stay away from the Valley.
Hope I haven't bored you to death with these past two days' reviews on movies associated with abstract art -- with today completing a triogy of recommendations that couldn't possibly have come to be without the artist portrayed by Ed Harris in this one, of course, Jackson Pollock. We all know what Ed looks like (and he does, in fact, look much like the drip-art creator himself) in the movie Pollock, so isn't it much nicer to just look at his co-star in the film? I thought so. Let's face it... I'm not even quite sure this pic is one of her from the flick come to think of it, but I'd rather look at Jennifer Connelly nude than Ed any day, so we'll leave it at that.
Anyway, though the first two movies were documentaries, this Oscar winner is a drama that has plenty of drunken paint splatter, yet unfortunately, none is on Jennifer. The art is amazing and the demons in the artist are frantic (bravo to Ed's acting and direction), but I'm not sure I understand what the art is or what it is supposed to represent or even if it's any good. But I like it. And I like the movie too (even though it has Val Kilmer in it which is usually a negative for me).
FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews. I had to drive all the way to Romania to get the trailer for this one. Not sure why these three movies gave me such trouble finding good trailers. Just another reason I'm looking forward to getting back into the old groove tomorrow and barf up an action-packed flick... maybe even one with a good chance scene to really make me feel like a man.
If you caught yesterday's review, you'd know that you were within a theme here... a set of reviews on the pseudo-trilogy of films on modern art and the debunking of it (or not). This one, Who the #$&% is Jackson Pollock is a small documentary that is either too small to even find a movie trailer for it (or possibly it has too strange a title to get properly filed away in that big cabinet called the Internet). But I was able to find a misspelled vid on YouTube (thank you) that has a brief clip from the film. Check it out.
FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews. Maybe you're from a place where people think and act like Teri Horton -- a truck-drivin', 70-year-old spitfire with conviction like no other. She possibly bought a Jackson Pollock for five bucks at a thrift mart because it was the only thing she could find to cover the wall in her double-wide. She thinks its ugly, but she might still go to the grave until its recognized authentic... even if it costs her broke-*ss millions. Yeah... maybe this place is familiar to you. Feels kinda like where I'm from. Those people scare me, so I left. But the Manhattan art snobs are just as creepy. I may have nightmares. Great movie though. You'll be hooked by the first scene.
Prepare yourselves for even more disappointment because I realize that this is supposed to be a movie blog that, primarily, guys are going to dig. So before you flame me because I'm doing a documentary -- on a kid who paints no less -- please humor me because I do have a plan.
Today's review is on My Kid Could Paint That which could be a documentary on: a) this child prodigy, b) an expos'e on abstract art being a total sham and that any kid could do it, c) an expos'e on the father of this kid, d) all of the above.
Maybe I will leave it up to you to decide what it is about, but I can tell you that it is definitely a good movie, and you will be surprised and shocked.
And this will lead into a related movie review that I will do tomorrow and then one that I will do on Thursday that will make a trilogy of sorts. It will pay off. And if not, I promise that I will do a review on Friday that's got: a) tons of violence, b) lots of action, c) gobs of t*ts and *ss, d) all of the above.
FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews. Tomorrow, prepare yourself for yet another documentary on the world of abstract art that you simply won't believe (or, according to them, are just too dumb to understand).
As promised, it's time for an alien invasion. Some great movies to pick from, but thought it would be nice to dive into Tim Burton's spoof on 50's sci-fi, Mars Attacks!. This film has a list of stars that can measure up to Milton Berle's swinging rock-in-a-sock: Jack Nicholson, Annette Benning, Danny DeVito, Sarah Jessica Parker, Glenn Close, Pierce Brosnan, Martin Short, Michael J. Fox and Natalie Portman to name a few. And with composer extraordinaire Danny Elfman, first famous for being the Oingo Boingo big toe, teaming once again with Burton, Mars is packed with talent AND sounds great.
But with all that length to show for it, it's these short aliens with these bulbous noggins that steal the show. First time I saw them, it nearly knocked me out of my chair with how they walk, and certainly, how they talk -- f*cking hilarious. Fred Norris, the audio production and impressionist madman from the Howard Stern Show, has since ingrained that voice into my pea brain by way of a sound bite that he drops into Howard 100 every time one of the whack packers calls into the show (which is genius in its own right).
Back to the movie, I'm quite sure you'll find a lot worth commenting on with this film. And its cult status tells you that if it falls flat with you on the first viewing, just try it three more times in a row like your good ol' buddy FilmBender just did this weekend. Your brain will be fried and your gut will ache from the chuckles you make, and you'll sound like an alien yourself... ack, ack!
FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews. So warning! Next time you hear that aliens may be invading, proceed to the welcome party with caution, and possibly, a little more protection than a bag of Reese's Pieces.
Ok, so maybe there's something else in life besides a bent movie, and The Bachelor Guy is a good place to start [do I need to get divorced first?].
No way, I can't do that, my wife will kill me... but there's nothing wrong with window shopping, right? HollywoodTuna is like the Mall of America when it comes to that. Check out the Christina Aguilera breastacular.
Though I must admit, Christina has looked better. If you feel picky, then stop by AskMen.com and their Top 99 Women of 2009 pageant and vote (Jessica Simpson looks mighty fine).
GorillaMask.net's got more than 99 links to all sorts of diversions and perversions for guys.
For guys and girls who dig celebrities, babes and a good laugh, WWTDD is a good place to stop... check out this Katy Perry wardrobe malfunction.
Finishing up with SpikedHumor, where you can find videos of all sorts, even one of my favorites, trailers. Well... this one of the movie 2012with Amanda Peet, Danny Glover, John Cusak and Woody Harrelson is enough though to make you forget about all this superficial sh*t. Ugh.
Apocalyptois a movie that's normally called "Mel Gibson's Apocalypto." That's a little ego-maniacal, so I refuse to call it that. Hey... I'm not baggin' on the guy for any of his drunken and bigoted and fundamentally religious flaws because all I care about is a d*mn good movie, and Mel can surely make 'em. The Passion of the Christ, removing myself from all religious opinions, was a great movie. And everyone knows that Braveheart is among the best movies ever, er, created.
In this film, he begins the ending of the Mayan civilization with a gaggle of peaceful natives (and yes, some hot native women) invaded by a hoard of warriors. The movie is detailed down to the skin art and foreign tongue (sub-titled), so you really get the sense of what it was like to be there. And you will be blown away when you see what happens to captives who are taken "down town"... brings a whole new meaning to "some heads are gonna roll." Shocking. And El Centro is literally amazing.
While I really did like this movie, I was a bit annoyed at a 24-hour foot chase that seemed to keep the pursuers trailing at exactly 100 yards behind the entire time (unrealistic for a movie that paid so much attention to realism). And I did, for some reason, expect this to be a much grander and larger picture; but in reality, it was all about the Indian in the photo and his plight to save his pregnant wife and kid.
FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews. Check out the trailer and then watch the movie and relish in the fact that anyone can invade your village and f*ck up your day -- even Spain. Maybe Monday I'll continue the theme and review an alien invasion movie... I'm curious and all, but let's face it, if history serves us right, that would s*ck.
Bill Murray making a comeback in Rushmore is only one of many, many reasons to love this film. Olivia Williams aptly plays the understated love interest of Rushmore Academy's king of extracurricular, Jason Schwartzman, in this even more understated work of art. Genius. Peculiar. Hilarious. Intelligent. Such describes most all of the characters and the movie itself.
FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews. Owen Wilson co-wrote it with Wes. But only brother Luke Wilson sits in front of the lens on this one, and it happens to be Mr. Anderson's masterpiece -- all the way down to the handpicked British Invasion soundtrack. Crank it up, mellow out and giggle at the charm of every single endearing f-ing frame of this film.
Natalie Portman just had to start out as a kid actress (awesome movie, The Professional) and then move into becoming an unsexy Star Wars action-less figure. That just taints her hotness for me for some reason. But she's still hot. And then in this movie, V for Vendetta, she gets beat up and shaven bald. Again here, tough to make her look unattractive no matter how hard her career has worked against her. And then mother nature gave her a square jaw. Tough luck Nat. But regardless, she's stunning.
Thank God for that because, guys, if you had to stare at that f-ing goofy mask and Demi Moore-lookin' wig on V's head for the full 133 minutes, you'd smash the remote into your eye. Wish they could have maybe deviated from whatever pre-conceived look the graphic novel required because it's down right silly and nearly ruined a perfect film. Great story that surprises and drives and explodes and looks great except for you know what. Check out the trailer.
FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews. Let's just pretend V put the mask and the wig in the closet instead -- overlook it -- and enjoy a killer movie. Wonder how many more I can watch in a row without without actually dieing. There is an answer to that, but am I brave enough to answer it?
