FilmBender: sh*tfaced on movies

"Brazil" is a trip

For those of you too young to know much about the British comedy troupe, Monty Python, you also probably won't have heard of Terry Gilliam -- member and animator for the bonkers bunch of blokes.  He turned director for a giant cult film that carries their strange and snakey name that I won't spend any time on today, rather, on Brazil -- a surreal, bureaucratic dystopia that is far stranger than what Terry was able to conjure up to date.

But yet, he surely wasn't close to where we are today either -- a quarter century into the future from when he created the film.  Actually, Gilliam was really putting a lens on the movie that had the Orwellian perspective of the future from the late 40's (I think) -- well more than half a century into the future from George's 1984.  I don't believe anyone has quite imaged quite accurately where we've ended up.

FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews.  Bob Hoskins, Robert De Niro, Michael Palin and Jonathan Pryce are all in the movie.  It hardly matters who's in it though, the vision and imagery take you to places and times that transcend the flesh and blood of the actors and of what your synapses are likely able to process.  I look around at the pollution, the terrorism and the vanity of where we are today and think, after watching this movie, "there's no place like home."  Awesome movie.

"No Country for Old Men" and the chilling hairstyle and scuba tank

There are two stars in this movie (pictured).  At first glance, seems totally harmless.  But then you realize that a monotone Spaniard with a Monkee's haircut walking around today is a little scary.  And then when you find out what that haircut's scuba tank is all about, you're pretty much f*cked.  No Country for Old Men is a great story that's told well with a ton of great performances and surprises and more-than-cameo appearances from people you want to see that deliver way more than just meat and potatoes to the film.  A tension blankets the film that is indescribable and captivating, but seriously, if it weren't for Javier Bardem and his haircut and his scuba tank, this movie would be a solid notch below the high mark.

Josh Brolin, Woody Harrelson, Tommy Lee Jones and Kelly Macdonald are solid, as noted, and under the extremely capable and well direction of the Coen brothers.  It's an Oscar-winner and is extremely satisfying and is an argument to never step foot in Texas.

FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews.  The most controversial thing, though, besides the lead character/s is the ending.  I hear it's faithful to the book.  It basically worked for me, but for some, it could wipe away much of the good will the movie won us over with leading all the way up to the, er, final cut.

"Heavenly Creatures" and hellish circumstance

Peter Jackson is now known as a demi-God with his Lord of the Rings trilogy, but not too long before he was known as a master of horror with a few gory movies that started out his career.  But right in between he just happened to become the almighty of Heavenly Creatures -- a true story set in 1950's New Zealand that surrounded the entangled lives of two teen girls that resulted in brutal matricide.

Melanie Lynskey plays a quiet and creative teen who finds inspiration with the beautiful and confident Kate Winslet.  The combination of these two imaginations becomes a tour de force that gets everyone's juices flowing and cracks open thighs and reality to reveal a side of these two young ladies that know one ever thought be possible.

 

FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews.  It's violent, surreal, sexy, shocking and interesting... check out the trailer.  This is really one of those brick-in-the-back-of-the-head movies that hits you hard -- original and incredible.  It takes the "forever" part of BFF to a whole new level.

"Synecdoche, New York" doesn't feel like it's spelled right

And this movie doesn't feel like it's really much of anything.  Really.  I feel like a trader even saying it.  But I didn't like it.  I want to bang my head against the wall like Dobby for letting the words escape from my mouth, but sh*t, I just didn't get it.  Synecdoche, New York is a wildly large little film about a nebbish, hypochondriac playwright (Philip Seymour Hoffman) -- who is almost turned on by Samantha Morton's bodacious box office -- and his dissatisfied wife (Catherine Keener) who leaves him and becomes an accomplished painter.

But it's not really about any of that stuff... because it's a screenplay by Charlie Kaufman, we all have to figure out what in the sam h*ll is actually happening.  As you may know, Charlie wrote some of my favorite movies including Adaptation, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind and Being John Malkovich.  This one, like Adaptation, becomes a recursive story but doesn't quite all come together.  Maybe because it's because this is the first time he's tried to direct, but I'm thinking that no one could save this monstrosity.

FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews.  Jennifer Jason Leigh was a nice surprise in this one... slutty as always.  Wish I had more to say.  But I really want you to know that I tried hard to like this one... I laughed at all the right times and thought at all the others.  What more could I do?  Bums me out to be hatin' like this, but I guess this is really just a cry for help.  Can someone help me understand this one or at least help me learn to spell it?

"Election" - l + r = ?

As a general rule, Reese Witherspoon is the marker of a "chick flick."  Ugh!  And with the sole exception being Legally Blonde, her's (and all chick flicks for that matter) are silly, bland, safe, unfunny, commoditized fluff that pretty much s*ck.  So if you get roped into one, you better be d*mn sure the lead is smoking hot or your lady friend is willing to do some late night trading if you promise to watch it attentively.

However, I would like to carve one of Reese's films out of the chick flick mix entirely, her debut, Election.  It's an incredible film from almost every angle including American Pie good ol' boy Chris Klein (playing the same character here and seemingly not playing much of anything else since then unless "with himself" counts).  And Matthew Broderick is hilarious as always.  But Reese, as Tracy Flick (of all names), is as far from chick-flick Reese as you could possibly get.  She drives this little film right into the big leagues with her incredibly uptight and do-good portrayal of a student set on becoming the student council president at all costs.

 

FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews.  Behind the lens is Alexander Payne who's also brought us a couple of other great films like About Schmidt and Sideways.  I should probably give some credit to him here as well, but Reese is just so annoyingly amazing, smart and funny that she somehow managed turn me on and forgive her for nearly every single chick flick she's made since. 

"2 Days in the Valley" could kill just about anyone

Ok... so although there is a snobby art dealer in 2 Days in the Valley as well, the movie is actually jam-packed with everything you need to make a kick *ss Friday night movie -- Charlize Theron nude (and she is smoking hot in this movie), a cat fight between Charlize and Teri Hatcher, hit men, twists and turns and enough violence to make even Quentin Tarantino blush.  Killer movie.

Not to focus on the babes here, but Charlize looks the best she ever has (even with her clothes on) all slinked up in her lingerie or absolutely decked out in her groovy white jump suit.  And she's totally dangerous to boot -- a far cry from a United Nations messenger of peace.

The plays-sleazy-so-easy James Spader is her assassin boyfriend and with Danny Aiello, Keith Carradine, Eric Stoltz, and Jeff Daniels rounding out the cast, you'll thank me for tipping you off on this gem of a quirky, interwoven, crime thriller.

FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews.  Check out the trailer, rent the movie, and God forbid, stay away from the Valley.

"Mars Attacks!"... ack, ack!

As promised, it's time for an alien invasion.  Some great movies to pick from, but thought it would be nice to dive into Tim Burton's spoof on 50's sci-fi, Mars Attacks!.  This film has a list of stars that can measure up to Milton Berle's swinging rock-in-a-sock: Jack Nicholson, Annette Benning, Danny DeVito, Sarah Jessica Parker, Glenn Close, Pierce Brosnan, Martin Short,  Michael J. Fox and Natalie Portman to name a few.  And with composer extraordinaire Danny Elfman, first famous for being the Oingo Boingo big toe, teaming once again with Burton, Mars is packed with talent AND sounds great.

But with all that length to show for it, it's these short aliens with these bulbous noggins that steal the show.  First time I saw them, it nearly knocked me out of my chair with how they walk, and certainly, how they talk -- f*cking hilarious.  Fred Norris, the audio production and impressionist madman from the Howard Stern Show, has since ingrained that voice into my pea brain by way of a sound bite that he drops into Howard 100 every time one of the whack packers calls into the show (which is genius in its own right).

Back to the movie, I'm quite sure you'll find a lot worth commenting on with this film.  And its cult status tells you that if it falls flat with you on the first viewing, just try it three more times in a row like your good ol' buddy FilmBender just did this weekend.  Your brain will be fried and your gut will ache from the chuckles you make, and you'll sound like an alien yourself... ack, ack!

 

FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews.  So warning!  Next time you hear that aliens may be invading, proceed to the welcome party with caution, and possibly, a little more protection than a bag of Reese's Pieces.

"Ghost World" and its geekdom

Difficult for me to imagine Scarlett Johansson NOT looking perfect.  So I opted to take one of the beautiful pix of her from the film, as there were a few that were much less flattering.  Same goes for Thora Birch.  I love it when hot actress chicks have the balls to make themselves look fugly in movies.  Guess that's kind of the point in this one... Ghost World is supposed to celebrate the world of geeks.  And when Scarlett blossoms... to have a catch of that caliber, well, that's enough to crush a stud, let alone the snaggletooth vinyl collector and venerable sage geek, Steve Buscemi.

Terry Zwigoff directs.  He's the same guy who did Crumb (here's the FilmBender review of Crumb).  So you can expect this to be a film of the odd sort.  The two uber-nerdy hotties are up to no good as they conquer boredom slacking their way into their first few months post high school graduation.  Thora warms up to Steve.  She wants some sexy time but doesn't quite know how to execute.  Anyway, comic book fans, indie music fans, and Scarlett fans rejoice!

 

FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews.  Great movie with, obviously, great music too. There's this Indian 60's jazz/pop/dance song in there that I guarantee you'll be singing along with my the end of it. You'll sound like a freak. Maybe you'll fit in. But maybe you're just a geek.

"American Beauty" is a masterpiece

American Beauty is a movie that simply pulls it all together without a single flaw.  Beautiful visuals, direction, acting and screen play.  It's a social commentary that will make you want to cringe, f*ck, laugh, cry, get high, kill and, for some, die.

Kevin Spacey is one of a few characters who experience many of these feelings along with you.  That's the whole point of this film -- these normal, simple people are actually normal, complicated people like you/me.  His arc is a painful journey that you will love to observe, and director Sam Mendes magically makes this dark ride, colorful and fun.

Annette Benning plays a Stepford-Wife-looking realtor who secondarily happens to be Kevin's wife.  She's got skeletons in those closets she sells that include getting f-ed by the King.  There are plenty of other incredible characters getting f-ed in their own way in this expansive, tragic story; they are all neatly corralled within the seemingly white picket fence of life.  It's the original Desperate Housewifes. 

 

FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews.  Experience this life.  It could kill you.  And Kevin does not s*ck, regardless, it could kill him too.

"The Dark Knight" is hard to see

I'm not a comic book geek.  Not a good/bad thing... just a qualifier.  It's also probably the reason why I was the last person I know to go see the movie, The Dark Knight.  Ultimately, that tainted the film for me -- hearing the hype from everyone, everywhere and, often, hearing it first hand.  "It's amazing," they said.  The same thing nearly happened to me on Iron Man -- the impossibility of living up to the hype.  But that's not a reasonable excuse for the let down I felt because a great movie should be able to survive such an imposing villain as hype -- especially a super hero movie, Batman of course, that's directed by the superbly apt, Christopher Nolan of Memento fame.  As I've vocalized here on FilmBender, for example, The Matrix crushed the hype.  Maybe that's because the hero in that one didn't even know he was, er, one.

But we all know that wasn't the case here.  It had nothing to do with the hero.  It was because of the film's actual villain, the psychotic Joker, as we all know played by what appears to be the dead body of Heath Ledger.  And his cadaver did an incredible job -- even better than the nearly-dead Jack Nicholson's campy version that received almost as much hype for his performance when that installment was theatrically released.  I'm just not sure it was enough, or should have to be enough, to save the day.  I mean, sh*t, it is supposed to be Christian Bale's (Batman's) movie.

I might even add that it also went on a scene or two too long, and that's bad coming from a guy who can beer bong a trilogy.  I'm sorry to put such a downer on it, but you'll thank me for it.  Oh, yeah, and there isn't any nudity in it either.  Because if you haven't seen it, you'll appreciate that I've unhyped it.  And since I don't know a ton about the original story, I'm not sure if the ending is faithful, abrupt, good, bad, a cop out, genius or just a sheer lack of creativity.  But check it out... you might like it.  And if Maggie Gyllenhaal, Anthony Michael Hall, Morgan Freeman, Aaron Eckhart, Michael Caine and Gary Oldman don't make for a strange group of stars to round out a movie, I don't know what is.

 

FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews.  OK... so I lied. You will love this movie. The Batcycle and all the gizmos and action sequences rock. And I love how The Joker re-counts the carving of his smile like a schizo. The best Batman movie by a Batmile  :p

"Barton Fink" -- weird name, weirder movie

The Coen brothers make movies that I love.  It would be much easier to list the movies from their body of work that are NOT part of my love list.  There is a Tom Hanks one that comes to mind, but since FilmBender is a blog about good movies, I won't subject you to that movie's title/link as to not tempt you to rent it and ruin your evening and blame me.  So... let's randomly pick one of the others, Barton Fink, to talk about today, as I will no doubt cover them all in due time.

John Turturro is a Manhattan intellectual playwright who happens to find himself stuck in a dank Hollywood hotel and in a serious case of writer's block when forced to write a cheesy wrestling flick.  He plays a neurotic putz... seems to come easy for him, but I assume he's just an incredible actor.  Btw, for what it's worth, he's cool by me.  Anyway, his affable neighbor in the hotel is John Goodman (also gets the "cool" stamp) who's a traveling salesman and possibly something else.  This movie goes totally surreal and f's with your head, and apparently, John's as well (er, check out the Brillo).  Boring review... awesome movie.

 

FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews.  Movies on Hollywood are cool and this one is just that, but it gets, er, blazing hot (hence the twisted part).  If I make another hot/cool reference, it's apparent that I'm neither.

"Fight Club" is the ultimate and MMA is not

Pretty lame, I know, trying to tell you anything about Fight Club.  So if you haven't seen this movie yet, let's take care of you real quick.  First, take your keyboard and smash your f-ing face with it... 9 times.  Second, take your mouse, and this time, you don't need to use that Habitrail that you have hidden way up high in your closet under the sweaters -- just go bare back.  Ok... deep breath... park the mouse.  Good.

Now, you'll need to wash your hands.  Our friend Brad Pitt here can help you with that.  But first, he's going to have to kick the living sh*t out of you.  Now you are ready to enjoy the movie, of which, happens to be a top five of all time if you ask me.

Ed Norton is in it too.  Let's go ahead and have him kick your *ss as well.  Better ask him if you can remove the mouse first 'cause that's going to ache bein' in there and all.  Saying "please" usually helps.

Oh yeah.  Movie review.  Right.  So... David Fincher directed it... great acting... awesome story with loads of surprises... Helena Bonham Carter, Meat Loaf, Jared Leto... blah, blah, blah. That's all you get.  Afterwards, be sure to check out a favorite snarky celebrity gossip website of mine, WWTDD, strangely named after the character/s in the movie.  A maverick of a site and hilarious.

 

FilmBender is Funny Movie Reviews.  Check the trailer... if you've already seen the movie, rent it again.  If you haven't seen the movie, first, take your keyboard....