FilmBender: sh*tfaced on movies

"W." is misunderestimated

Oliver Stone points his biopic revolver at the former president of the United States of America, the seemingly limited yet oddly pronounced man, George W. Bush, in the film with the definitively limited and oddly pronounced title, W. (dub-ya).  Those critical of President Bush's run with our country will be pleasuring themselves in a bubble bath of "I told you so" during every single money-shot that Oliver took at the Worstest President ever.  Personally, I'm no fan of Junior, but I have to say, Oliver's genious, hubris and nefarious ability to insert every single little insider, as well as, obvious jab into this movie is a diabolical triumph bordering on animal cruelty -- I just felt sorry for the Good Ol' Boy.

Regardless, it is a great movie that I hope supporters can even enjoy as a satire, as they cringe through Junior's belittling by Papa Bush and his alcoholic tendencies while he fumbles the opportunity and access he was spoon fed because of his big "Bush."  And all voters will surely be amazed by the performances and look-a-likes in the film: Josh Brolin as the Pretender-in-Chief, Richard Dreyfuss as the trigger-happy veep Dick Cheney, Elizabeth Banks as the second first lady Bush, and Thandie Newton as the robotic Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.  Incredible.  See for yourself... just watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Hangover" will have you blowin' chunks

 

Been quite a while since I've laughed this hard in the movie theater... The Hangover is obviously what I'm talkin' about, and if you haven't seen it yet, well, you're either on a month-long binge yourself or simply don't belong on this website.  Not exactly sure why a movie with such a simple concept hasn't ever been made, but director Todd Phillips (of also-lol-flick, Old School) flat-out f*ckin' hammers it.  Cheers to that!

Bunch of no-names in this which is great to see.  Well, suppose you've seen pretty boy, cocky dude, Bradley Cooper before.  He's good in this, but maybe it's the Vegas thing or the Old School thing, but it almost feels like Vince Vaughn could've been swapped into that role just as easily.  Eh, maybe Vince would have been too overbearing.  Whatever, anyway, guess you've seen Ed Helms too from The Office.  But the wacky dude who (along with the writer whoever that is) steals the show with all his quirky and subtle (ie beeper) or crazy and in-your-face (ie blood brothers) humor, well, guess he's been walking around Hollywood for years in the comedy circuit trying to get a break.  Zach Galifianakis... congrats, oh Bearded One.  Just watch the movie trailer and read on because...

Intermission: from Brüno to AfroJacks to mostly just hot chicks in bikinis

Been doing one review per week and then this "link dump" once per month to help share the love and to try to stay hip on party conversation on what's happening online.  As you can imagine, people can start to think you are pretty shallow if you can only talk about movies and not about other important things such as these:

• GorillaMask.net has world famous links to NSFW, but did you know they also have a spank bank photo gallery?

• Did AskMen.com get a re-design?... regardless, the Melissa Baker bikini photo gallery is spiffy.

• Skipping to the headlines, TheDailyFix has lots of "*ss pics" from FHM babe, Kimberly Walsh.

• Only a DeadDog would have a bunch of pictures of chicks kissing.

• aBum.com has gobs of interesting and funny videos that will make you laugh at work or home or at the library (if you are unemployed and homeless and need access to a computer).

• YouThink.com and Quiztron.com could make you feel dumb... give 'em a try smartypants.

• Brüno (starring Sacha Baron Cohen) will be released in theaters on July 10th, until then, TheBrunoMovie.com.

• Hollywire has the video of Selena Gomez on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon -- suppose she's too young to call totally hot, so let's says she's totally cute.

• As you know from the Transformers review I did on the first film, I'm a huge fan... Atom.com is as well, and you HAVE to see their parody trailer on toys becoming movies.

• The Bachelor Guy is gonna save my *ss when it comes to Father's Day... check out their gift guide.
  

• And closing it off with my absolutely favorite new site... AfroJacks.com has tons of cool sh*t including a top ten celebrity music videos playlist... that's hil-f*cking-larious. 

"Pineapple Express" is an apple pipe-dream

 

Seth Rogan, again, is totally watchable, and this time, surprise, as a huge stoner in Pineapple Express.  This character is basically a functional dude who's actually pretty conservative albeit the fact that he's smoking pot 24/7... when he's driving... when he's working... and when he's witnessing a homicide.  And man, that sh*t will f-you-up.

Rosie Perez crawls out of the resin as a crooked cop... where the f*ck has she been?  James Franco plays the dealer-come-buddy and gets tons of credit here, but I have to say that the middle-man in the drug-dealing hierarchy, some dude named Danny McBride, was a scene stealer.  Bus-ridin' Ed Begley Jr. and heatwave Amber Heard among other notables help round out the cast.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Star Trek" and I are from the future

Have been wanting to go see the J.J. Abrams' Star Trek movie in theaters.  Used to watch the original series when I was a kid quite a bit.  I'm not a total "Trekkie" or anything, and I probably have seen some of the movies over the years (and never got into Generations).  So in order to prepare myself, I thought I'd rent one of the movies to get psyched up.  Did some searches to find out Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan is supposedly the best.  Phuck me with a phaser... that movie blows.  Twas bummed out on the franchise but decided to go see the new one anyway starring Eric Bana and Winona Ryder (who I dig) along with a bunch of noobs like Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Anton Yelchin, Zoe Saldana, Simon Pegg and John Cho.

Leonard Nimoy also plays a big part (and was cool) but J.J. is the star in this trek... just look at the pic above... it's awesome to look at.  And the action and fun and the references are all perfect.  It's got a great story that is a bit of a mindbender, and the way they handled Kirk's backstory and the foundation for his cocky attitude, genius.  This movie has the tongue and cheek and has gotten rid of all the schlock... loved it... see for yourself... watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"King of California" is rich with idiosyncrasy

There are so many peculiar little things stuffed into King of California -- the notion of a crazy man possibly being genius, the fantasy of finding buried treasure, the novelty of using a metal detector, the possibility of buying a clunker over eBay (and being under age), the odd visual of tract housing suburban sprawl eating your quiet rural home (and you can resist, and it just builds up around you), the harsh reality of working at McDonalds, that some people's parents are stoners who are in bands, that sulfur springs exist, and the list goes on and on and on.  Maybe none are exactly idiosyncratic (other than Michael Douglas's character), but it is rife with kitch or irony or cliché or something funky that I liked.

And Michael's performance as a kook is just priceless... he crazy kills it.  And Evan Rachel Wood is just adorable to a level that makes her pretty hot (to the extent that you can't hardly imagine that she needs to work at Mickey D's or has to drive a beater like that, I mean, there's gotta be a sugar daddy [or a post high school graduate pervert] willing to take care of a cute high school drop-out).  Anyway, watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Bigger, Stronger, Faster" with little nuts, bitch t*ts, hairy back

This movie is somethin' else.  From what I can tell, the director of this documentary (Chris Bell) titled Bigger, Stronger, Faster has about as much experience behind the lens, as his entire family has in cumulative edumacation.  But f*ck... he made one h*ll of a good movie.

Totally unbiased, well researched, empathetic and more personal than you can imagine.  See... Chris (not pictured here) is a meat-head himself, as are, his two brothers.  They grew up totally obsessed with professional wrestlers while being overweight kids coming from parents who are totally tubby themselves.  They become body-image obsessed and on a mission to become either power lifters or professional wrestlers (except Chris who somehow got just enough sense to take a step back and look at how f-ed up it all was).  But there's way more going on here... watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"The Butcher Boy" hacks away at my memory

Eghads... running late on writing a post.  But totally thankful that my buddy came over the other day and nearly saw me fall down on my face from being so totally wasted from watching films.  I was completely at a creative block from not being inspired to write a post about anything that I've gorged upon.  And then, out of nowhere, he surfaced a movie that I had seen long ago and had been so utterly amazed by it that I must have gone for months telling people about it.  How I could have done that and then had if entirely fall from my memory banks, I just don't know.  I'm doomed.  So... I will give him a shout out... Burning Pictures.

If you couldn't tell from the pic, the film is called The Butcher Boy.  Holy f-ing sh*t.  The film is fantastical and imaginative and blunt.  And this kid is so intense that you'll be completely scared of him -- an Irish bully on the edge with a fat head and freckles.  Even worse, he's got a f*cked up home, and he starts to even loose his mind a bit as it appears... and what he is capable, well, I won't tell you if he does anything or not, but those hanging pigs have it lucky.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

Intermission: I love Lucy Pinder and girls love boobs too

Blogging every day vs. once-per-week was really crampin' my style.  So if you hadn't noticed, I'm posting every Wednesday just after midnight.  As you can imagine, by that time at night I'm totally wasted on movies and crankin' out slop when it comes to the post quality.  Better than other habits I can think of... anyway... every sixth week I'll pay tribute to the best of the web:

• Speaking of... there simply isn't anything better when it comes to smokin' hot links... GorillaMask.net.

• Speakin' of hot...OMFG... Lucy Pinder is bustin' out of her bra at AskMen.com.

• Ever gone to aBum and performed a NSFW search on Paris Hilton?... I did.

• Hollywire has that st*pid Twitter Girl music video.

• Did you know that girls love boobs too?... DeadDog does.

• YouThink and Quiztron are two totally safe places to go... I promise... I think.

• We are a movie review site, so maybe I should send you to a good one... Daily Film Dose.

• Enough of that... back to the trash... TheDailyFix has the scoop on Melanie Brown -- Spice Girl gone wild.

"17 Again" is dangerously funny

So... I have kids.  I end up seeing a bunch of kid's movies and basically never blog about them.  All the High School Musical movies?... sure... seen 'em.  I'm not really proud of it (probably because I don't think they are horrible).  Try to keep it on the down low.  I also know that even though Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale have turned into hotties, it's just not quite a fit for this blog.

Such is the same that I thought was going to happen when I went with the kids to see 17 Again.  Of course, since it starred Zac Efron, I assumed that this was going to be more of the same (Thriller-inspired dance productions and tween drivel), so I brought along a crew of kids that spanned from ages 4 to age 9.  Oops!  It's a PG-13 film that has Zac (playing a younger version of Matthew Perry) who gets thrown into situations where he is getting hit on by both his daughter (Michelle Trachtenberg) and his mom (Leslie Mann) which isn't so appealing in my real live, but Lord knows we'd all tap these two if we were Zac.  Throw in a bowl of condoms, and you've got plenty of after-movie talk with the chitlens that you never prepared for.  Beyond that discomfort, I f-ing laughed my way through this whole flick... watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Valkyrie" would've been better with Val Kilmer

 

What a story!  I mean, I obviously heard they failed and didn't kill Adolph Hitler.  P*sses me off.  But even with that spoiler out there, the fact that these guys came this close.  And that man, Col. Claus von Stauffenberg, played by Tom Cruise came that close.  F*ck!  That failure might have had something to do with Tom not practicing his German accent before the shooting.  I spotted him right away.  I think Hitler was onto him as well... knew that he wasn't for real.  If only Tom even attempted a German accent... if only he was capable of pulling off a Colonel Klink, then maybe he would have been believable, and just possibly, he could have killed Hitler.  But in Valkyrie, the great film and story about the Resistance and inner circle plotting various attempts on Hitler's life, Tom failed.

Bryan Singer directed the film.  Crazy thing is, he was behind another movie with a mole that achieved in every way, The Usual Suspects.  Although Bryan has done nothing much but the X-Men franchise since, I don't blame him for this one.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Bedtime Stories" and wet dreams

Now and then I feel obligated to review a kids movie because there's really nothing better than kickin' it with your kids or cousins with some popcorn and some laughs.  Generally, I can stomach the animated movies (ie Pixar for sure), and also, I'm pretty stoked when I can find a PG-rated, Saturday Night Live-alum flick.  Adam Sandler has owned the PG-13 realm for some time, and so I'm now happy to report he's just recently stepped onto the wonderful world of Disney, with Bedtime Stories.  The movie is pretty good and nicely taps his brand of goof and tendency to want to speak in marble mouth.

And Guy Pierce is in this as well, of whom, I bagged on in last week's review.  Here, he's got way more personality as a pompous gold digger, so I may slowly start letting him back into my list of go-to actors.  The story is just charming enough and almost clever enough (a take on stories affecting reality, blah, blah, blah) to keep you at full attention.  But what keeps you glued to the screen is the totally, smokin' hottie, Paris Hilton-spoof character played by Teresa Palmer.  OMFG!  I would let her tuck me in, any time.  Watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Traitor" is yet another good treason Don Cheadle is the lead

 

Traitor is a great movie that is smart and keeps you guessing and keeps enough action without all the over-the-top production value to put it among the best espionage thrillers in a long, long time.  Don Cheadle is very effective and believable and can carry a movie... real star power and likable.  This is important in this role, as you aren't sure what side he's on, and it helps create some interesting internal conflict when you find yourself at times nearly rooting for him as the bad guy.

Unfortunately, I can't say the same for Guy Pearce.  He killed it in my opinion as the unforgettably forgetful lead in Memento, but here, he's just plain ol' forgotten.  In fact, I had zero opinion of who he was here and what he was doing... he was so flat, I found myself feeling that I couldn't hear him talking.  My only other real criticism is a scene where Don secretly confronts his sister in such a manner that is totally revealing (and he gets busted, duh), and he ultimately doesn't even accomplish anything in that encounter.  F-ing st*pid.  Anyway, watch the movie trailer and read on because...

"Duplicity" could leave you feeling double-crossed

 

Movies like Pulp Fiction certainly mixed up the chronology to help make the film even more interesting.  And it totally works.  Films like Duplicity do this way too much to try to make the movie interesting, but it just makes it confusing.  And I'm not sure if it's because the stakes never really feel high enough to make the film solid on its own or if, and it makes me sad to even say it, Julia Roberts is getting just a tad too old to play the love interest.  Not that Clive Owen is any great catch, and not that Julia isn't still hot.  It just feels... off... or maybe Julia just feels... irrelevant.  Crazy to think it when she held ground as the top babe for so long and even had a film (Notting Hill) where she played the hottest female celebrity in the world.

Anyway, the film is pretty good.  Paul Giamatti and Tom Wilkenson, as usual, killed it and even stole the show here.  Also, the film had an ending that left me a bit deflated.  Behind the pump on this one is Tony Gilroy who blew up directing his freshman effort, the amazing Michael Clayton, but the accomplished screen writer might have to consider putting down the camera with this sophomore outing or consider self-detention.  Judge for yourself... watch the movie trailer and read on because...

Intermission: Denise Milani's giant b*obs and a Chinese chick blowing a dachshund

Actually going camping and surfing this weekend, so I can't imagine I have much to say to anyone about anything except that I may be reviewing a surf movie in the near future and am taking requests.  Other than that, here are some links:

• Music folks will like to chime in at Bullz-Eye on bands dissed by the Rock Hall of Fame

• Where the Wild Things Are news and trailer at Premium Hollywood

• GorillaMask.net is a funny name for a NSFW link site

• And how about Denise Milani's giant b*obs in this shot... AskMen.com has the gallery

• Changing gears to tomato-face, Nick Nolte, at The Daily Fix

• If that doesn't gross you out, how about some Chinese chick blowing a dachshund at DeadDog

• aBum.com has t*ts and *ss and lots of funny sh*t

• YouThink and Quiztron are much different for the st*pid

• Snake oil at TheBachelorGuy gives you six-pack abs... wonder what would happen if you j*rked with it?

• And if you want to feel hip and smartacle, go to Mongo Nation

"The Deal" is hard to undersand and too good to be true

Netflix recommended this to me, and I stuck it in my "Queue" (that's a f-ing long way to spell the utterance, "Q")."  Anyway, if you couldn't tell, I seem to trust them with my life.  The "About me" page here hints of another "recommendation."  Well... the movie, The Deal, pains me to the extent that the Brits seem to speak a different language and also just a touch too fast for me.  Plus, I have enough trouble keeping up with our own government, so what Tony Blair went through is all Greek to me.

It doesn't matter... the movie is a fun watch, even for a r*tard like me, who is politically incorrect and/or politically ignorant (and I put the pieces all together by the end).  Side note: this f*cker, Mr. Michael Sheen, is toast of the town right now from Frost/Nixon.  Haven't seen it yet.  Heard it's great.  But who gives a sh*t.  I mean, this guy's great when it comes to lookin' like Tony Blair for sure.  And for that matter, the grouchy blimey (that's Scottish, right?), David Morrissey, who plays what's-his-name, Gordon Brown, looks just like him as well.  BTW, it's a biopic if you're slower than me.  Anyway, here's where I normally offer up a trailer, but now, for the first time ever, I'll share something with you, besides the fact that...